My first clue something had gone horribly wrong was a Facebook notification: Charles is safe.
Charles lives in Orlando. When I was younger than he is now, I babysat Charles and his little brothers (Charles is now old enough to go to nightclubs, which makes me somewhere between “no longer gets carded” and “get the hell off my lawn” on the age spectrum). That Charles is safe notification told me other people weren’t.
I went to a media preview of Finding Dory Tuesday night and, while working press could keep their phones, others had to surrender theirs at the door. No way would I enter a crowded theater without my phone, not anymore.
Charles is safe.
This is me, trying not to dwell on all the fetid hate swirling around us and instead looking for the love. And sloths. Sloths make everything better. Be the sloth, people. Be the sloth.
Ah, the weekend. Has to be better than last, right? (Note to Universe: This is not a challenge)
Here’s what I would do if I were you, or if I were me. Which I totally am.
Finding Dory (Ed O’Neill as a grumpy octopus? Sloth score: 10)
Eugene O’Neill’s The Iceman Cometh at Tampa Rep offers four-plus hours of classic O’Neill. (Sloth score: 0 — but a theater score of 10 because I heart Eugene O’Neill.)
Florida Holocaust Museum vigil for Orlando Saturday morning. One of the victims won an award for working to eradicate hate. (Sloth score: 0, but a 10 for caring about all kinds of hate crimes, not only genocide.)
Wish Studio 620 a happy birthday, because they make us happy. (Sloth score: 10 — we hear they’ll have cake.)
Speaking of birthdays, head to Hoppy Gilmore at Tampa Theatre. (Adam Sandler and beer? Sloth score: 10.)
Score some Disneyana at Tampa Bay Salvage. It’s Disney, people. Happiest place on earth. Also, even if you do buy the $400 Fulton’s Crab House rope ladder, it’s still cheaper than tickets, parking and drinks and food for two at the theme park. While you’re visiting Palm Harbor, pop into Suncoast Animal League. No, not to adopt a cat or dog — if you’re so capricious that one sentence here makes you adopt a dog, you’re likely not responsible enough to own one — but to pet one or learn about fostering. (Sloth score: 6, but a 10 if you stop at Suncoast Animal League in Palm Harbor to pet a kitty or puppy who needs a home, because even the most asshole cat — yeah, I’m looking at you, Scuppers — still has a better soul than an asshole mass murderer.)
Sunday’s Father’s Day. Do something with your pops, like taking him to one of the 10 best restaurants, as determined by CL’s food critic, Jon Palmer Claridge, in Hillsborough or Pinellas. (Sloth score: 10, because he’s your dad.)
And, finally, as my friend Jon says, hug your loved ones, people. (Sloth score: 10 to the 10th power.)
Charles is safe.
This article appears in Jun 16-23, 2016.
