In five years of reviews, CL Food Critic Brian Ries has never awarded a restaurant five stars. Now he will do just that in a review of your favorite restaurant for the issue of Jan. 20, 2010. He will laud the food, decor, service, napkins, even the bathroom, all while refraining from tongue-in-cheek praise or backhanded compliments. (Readers will be informed, however, that the review is a result of this auction. But heck, all anyone looks at is the star rating, right?)

This auction item closes Wednesday, Dec. 16 @ 4:30 p.m. EST.