See that tweet below? People — you gluten-drinking, I-can-down-all-of-the beer-I-want-at-local-breweries people — you don't know what the German-style Good For Life Kolsch from Pair O' Dice Brewing Company does for my soul.
What it does for the soul of everyone who has celiac and truly loves beer.
I tweeted that more than a week ago. But I just tasted a pint of the stuff again — against the harsh light of day, not the seductive pull of the brewery's Clearwater taproom — and yes, the gluten-removed beer (Pair O' Dice can't say it's gluten-free, because the crew does use gluten that's nixed later with an enzyme) tastes like what I've been missing.
Look, I've written about gluten-free and gluten-removed beer for this #BecauseGluten column before, but until now, if I wanted to hang at a local tasting room, I was a wine drinker or (shudder) a cider drinker. Cigar City, I love your apple pie cider, I do. However, that's a dessert drink, and cider isn't beer. Beer is beer.
Let me go back.
You guys, @pairodicebrew has a gluten removed beer and I’m here to write about it and it’s so good I have to physically restrain myself from weeping. #promisedland #becausegluten @cl_food pic.twitter.com/uBCrHn4bua
— Cathy Salustri Hates Turkey (@CathySalustri) July 6, 2018
We have an events calendar — local.cltampa.com — and anyone can submit their happenings there. Part of my job is to weed through the listings for sex slaves (oh, how I wish I were making that up to be witty) and find the gems, aka the things y'all simply can't miss. We get, uh, lots of advertising not-so-cleverly disguised as "events" (no, your $5 haircut "sale" isn't a special event, thankyouverymuch), so my twice-daily plod through Local isn't exactly my favorite time of day.
A few weeks ago, though, Pair O' Dice entered its gluten-reduced beer release, which took place June 30, to Local. I was on that like a fly on… well, gluten-reduced beer. And then I was at the taproom in off hours, waiting to see if the kolsch was a beer I'd like.
See, I have a conflicted history with craft beer. In the good old days, I could drink any brew I wanted — and I never, ever, ever wanted craft beer. Oh, sure, if a brewery happened to have a stout or a porter, I was all in. But I never bought into the scene the way some people did.
Not being able to have something, however — thanks a lot, celiac — sure does fuel your desire for it. Almost two years of drinking ciders and chardonnays at tasting rooms while my friends debated the mouthfeel of hops (or what-the-fuck-ever; I honestly check out when that happens) made me sort of wish I could walk into a bar again and order a draft that didn't taste like a Thanksgiving after-party.
That's the point of me writing about Pair O' Dice and its new kolsch. Not only is the beer gluten-removed (again, we can't call it gluten-free), it's created at a brewery in town (#WeLoveLocal) and — this is kind of A Big Deal — it totally rocks. As in, I made CL's creative guru, Joey Neill (he makes us look good), try it.
"I like it," he said.
And next is the part everyone needs to hear, because Joey may or may not eat my weight in gluten on the reg: "It doesn't taste like it's gluten-free."
As for the celiac part of it, here's what the gluten-intolerant and gluten-free community needs to know: Pair O' Dice uses some pretty neurotic protocols to avoid any sort of cross-contamination — dedicated tap lines (the brewery took its draft line apart and did a deep clean), dedicated tap plugs, regular trials with a test kit, and strict cross-contamination avoidance training.
The place is hesitant to offer the gluten-removed Kolsch at any other taprooms, because it wants to make sure the beer will remain uncontaminated wherever people get it. After all, the brew tests at less than 10 parts per million for gluten.
"If you drink Omission," co-founder and head brewer Ken Rosenthal tells me (and I do), "you should be more than fine with this beer."
Because I adore you guys — and also because I had too much to do last weekend and didn't get to this column right away — I can attest that, gastrointestinally speaking, I was more than fine. I hope I'll be, too, after the kolsch is gone.
The brewery plans to offer a rotating gluten-removed beer, on a dedicated, gluten-free tap, every month. But, seriously, can we start calling it gluten-free? Gluten-removed sounds even more pretentious.
In any case, I sorta love Pair O' Dice now. Maybe there's even a gluten-free porter in my future.
Hope springs (hops?) eternal.
This article appears in Jul 26 – Aug 2, 2018.