Now that winter has given way to warm weather and pollen storms in the Bay Area, it’s important to discuss the largest untold danger that arrives in great numbers with the seasonal change. Every year the local media likes to highlight the dangers of visiting the beach, including sunburns, alcohol poisoning, stingrays and roving Girls Gone Wild video crews, and while they generally do an excellent job, they always fail to properly address this problem.
This particular stumbling block has an elevated danger risk because they can gather and mass anywhere near a body of water which, in the Bay Area, can be anywhere. This danger travels in packs, always hovering just out of reach and constantly harassing the people that pass them with loud shrieks and incoherent yells that only serve to make everyone angry.
I am speaking, of course, not about the Westboro Baptist Church members that picketed the Bon Jovi concert at the St. Pete Times Forum, but rather about seagulls.
Yes, seagulls. The freeloading rodents with wings that serve as a de facto symbol of beach lifestyle, these birds serve as constant companion to the beach enthusiasts, fishing sportsmen and unwary picnickers by standing bodies of water.
This article appears in Apr 21-27, 2010.