The July issue of Esquire has a funny and insightful series of stories on epithets, with an intro by Roy Blount Jr. pining for the return of “son of a bitch” over “asshole.”

The package's last feature is a hilarious flow chart called “A Taxonomy of Epithets,” and runs on a continuum from More Respectable to Less Respectable, giving examples of each. Here’s a taste, starting with the Most Respectable. After a consulting with my asshole colleagues, I've added a local name (in bold) to each category. Of course, we welcome any and all nominations to the list — local or otherwise.

Son of a Bitch: Jack Nicholson, Alec Baldwin, Bob Dylan, Bill Parcels, Vladimir Putin. Jon Gruden.

Prick: Rudy Giuliani, Bill Maher, New York Yankees. Steve Duemig.

Asshole: Bill Belichick, Barry Bonds, Mitt Romney. Hulk Hogan.

Nutjob: Larry King, Ty Pennington. Bill Keller.

Jamoke: Matthew McConaughey, Jimmy Kimmel, Charlie Sheen. Schnitt

Jackass: Carlos Mencia, Kid Rock, Brett Michaels. Buddy Johnson.

Windbag: Bill O’Reilly, Tim Robbins, Hannity. Omali Yeshitela.

Twit: Ryan Seacrest, Ira Glass. Don Germaise.

Putz: Wesley Snipes, Eliot Spitzer. Paul Tash.

Knob: Dane Cook, Rob Schneider, Dr. Phil. Brian Blair.

This article appears in Jun 11-17, 2008.

Eric Snider is the dean of Bay area music critics. He started in the early 1980s as one of the founding members of Music magazine, a free bi-monthly. He was the pop music critic for the then-St. Petersburg...