- Glengarry Glen Ross — Ed Harris doesn't even appear in the TV version. (Ohhh, I'm gonna have your job, s—thead.)
- Casino — Might not be so bad if they didn't have a bad imitation of DeNiro dubbing his lines.
- Smokey and the Bandit — Thoroughly massacres the profanity-laden peformance by the late Jackie Gleason, who was (we think) snubbed by Oscar voters that year.
- The Big Lebowski — the phrase "Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?" becomes "Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?" (Shut the fuck up, Donnie.)
- Scarface — the phrase "So where'd you get the beauty scar, tough guy? Eatin' pussy?" becomes "So where'd you get the beauty scar, tough guy? Eatin' pineapple?"
This article appears in Sep 20-26, 2006.