Because we know how much presidential candidates value truth in advertising (they all love PolitiFact!), here are our suggestions for revisions to their current bumper stickers that would more accurately reflect their campaigns. You’re welcome, candidates!
1. Jeb Bush.
Old:
New (in case he wants to further distance himself from being a Bush):
2. Ben Carson
Old:
New (we really couldn't find a word that could be better used to jokingly describe him):
3. Chris Christie
Old:
New (now that he looks like kind of a mellow guy compared to one or two other candidates):
4. Hillary Clinton
Old:
New (take us back to the ’90s, Billary!):
5. Ted Cruz
Old:
New (in case he wants to tell the world how to win a Republican primary):
6. Carly Fiorina
Old:
New (because she will make memories for you so you don't have to; never you mind if they're true):
7. Mike Huckabee
Old:
New (free with membership to any megachurch in the U.S.):
8. Martin O'Malley
Old:
New (assuming he's still in five minutes from now):
9. Rand Paul
Old:
New (the GOP primary contest in a nutshell):
10. Marco Rubio
Old:
New: (We'll give you one guess as to which decade):
11. Bernie Sanders
Old:
New (not to get too far into his platform here):
And, finally…
12. Donald Trump
Old:
New (judging by some of his fans):
This article appears in Dec 31, 2015 – Jan 6, 2016.