There are few things in life more satisfying than throwing down an ice-cold brew on a sweltering summer afternoon or evening. And there are few things in life more disappointing than heading into a bar on a sweltering summer afternoon or evening, ordering an ice-cold brew and receiving something with the appearance and temperature of a bottled urine sample.
There are literally hundreds of watering holes in the Tampa Bay area, and it's tough to know which ones serve the coldest beer without biting the bullet and bellying up. But in the interest of saving your palate, we hit the town to come up with the numbers below, ranked from coldest to warmest. Now, there's no way to offer a comprehensive list of temps for every beer in every bar in the Bay area — we're certainly working on it, but it'll be years. So we've tried to include a bit of everything, from beach bars to dives to mom 'n' pop corner stores to Scott Harrell's fridge to bait shops. So you might not know which bar unarguably has the coldest beer in town, but at least you'll have a heads up when you're in a certain neighborhood, or see a certain sign that starts your poor, dry mouth prepping for an icy adult beverage.
Locations that actually feature signs advertising the coldest beer in town are denoted by an asterisk.
1. TERI'S TAVERN
13437 Gulf Blvd., Madeira Beach
727-319-8862
Vibe: Friendly dive across from the beach
Food: Sort of (hot dogs, pretzels)
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 30.4
People-Watching Rating: C
2. DAVE'S BAR & GRILL
10820 Gandy Blvd. N., St. Petersburg
727-576-1091
Vibe: Eclectic neighborhood bar/venue
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 34.2
People-Watching Rating: A
3. ANGLER'S DISCOUNT*
3904 U.S. 41 N., Palmetto
941-729-1422
Vibe: Cheery old roadside beer/ice/bait/convenience store
Food: Yes (it's a freakin' convenience store)
Beer Ordered: Bud quart
Beer Temperature: 36.7
People-Watching Rating: D
4. BANANA BOAT
13090 Gandy Blvd. N., St. Petersburg
727-570-2996
Vibe: Little sunlit fish-on-the-walls bar/restaurant
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 38.0
People-Watching Rating: C
5. UPTOWN BAR
658 Central Ave., St. Petersburg
727-463-0567
Vibe: Smallish, smoky tavern/local-music venue
Food: No
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 38.5
People-Watching Rating: B
6. CHATTAWAY
358 22nd Ave. S., St. Petersburg
727-823-1594
Vibe: Killer, casual old-school outdoor restaurant/bar
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 38.8
People-Watching Rating: B
7. CENTRAL BILLIARDS
670 Central Ave., St. Petersburg
727-553-9212
Vibe: New, intimate pool hall with juke and bar in back
Food: No
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 40.0
People-Watching Rating: D
8. SCOTT'S REFRIGERATOR
The Seaside Shack, St. Petersburg
Vibe: Big, cold white box in the kitchen
Food: Yes (spoiled)
Beer Ordered: Coors Light can
Beer Temperature: 41.0
Dog-Watching Rating: A
9. MACDINTON'S IRISH PUB
405 S. Howard Ave., Tampa
813-251-8999
Vibe: Irish pub inside; spacious wood deck outdoors that is one of Friday night's hottest meet-and-bed spots
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Pilsner Urquell draft
Beer Temperature: 41.5 (the bartender explains that all his draft beers are kept a bit above their desired temp because they also carry Guinness on draft, which must be poured warmer)
People-Watching Rating: B+
10. FOURTH STREET FOOD MART*
1730 Fourth St. S., St. Petersburg
727-551-0426
Vibe: Neighborhood corner bodega
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Bud quart
Beer Temperature: 42.3
People-Watching Rating: B
11. THE DOG SALOON
3301 W. Bay to Bay Blvd., Tampa
813-317-3370
Vibe: Scrubby frat house deck party, with plenty of pool tables
Food: Kitchen is being remodeled
Beer Ordered: Bass draft
Beer Temperature: 43.7
People-Watching Rating: C (except on Lingerie Thursdays, when the wait staff wears nighties and it earns an A)
12. THE RACK
1809 W. Platt St., Tampa
813-250-1595
Vibe: Upscale pool hall for the young, beautiful crowd
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Newcastle draft
Beer Temperature: 44.4
People-Watching Rating: B
13. KAHUNA'S MEXICO GRILL
10515 Gandy Blvd. N., St. Petersburg
727-576-7800
Vibe: Big, almost-waterside beach-themed indoor/outdoor bar/restaurant
Food: Yes
Beer Ordered: Bud longneck
Beer Temperature: 45.8
People-Watching Rating: D
14. SWIGWAM BEACH BAR
6300 Gulf Blvd., St. Pete Beach
727-360-0889
Vibe: Touristy thatched-roof outdoor hotel bar between the pool and the beach
Food: No
Beer Ordered: Bud can
Beer Temperature: 46.0
People-Watching Rating: A+
This article appears in May 10-16, 2006.