CREATIVE FUCKUP
OK, so we put the wrong name on the newspaper. Kill us.
LAY, SKILLING GUILTY
Welcome to the U.S. prison system, boys. Now it's your turn to get screwed.
TAYLOR HICKS
He won a stupid TV contest, not a presidential election.
FOX, SCHWARZENEGGER MEET
The Gropinator tells Mexican president he loves his countrymen; he has two for breakfast every morning.
PUSH THE BUTTON
Eko to Locke: "Told you so."
THE NBA PLAYOFFS
Basketball hasn't been this exciting since MJ retired … again.
FDA APPROVES NEW BIRTH CONTROL PILL
Lowers number of yearly menstrual periods to four; and male suicide rate by 66 percent.
DALI GETS MILLIONS
A turkey is not a turkey if it is a Republican turkey.
RIVERWALK $$ VETOED
Millions nixed for the Lightning parking garage, but since nobody's downtown anyway, who needs parking?
SUMMER VACATION
"The dog peed on the sandwiches."
OUR VISION
"A truly unrelenting commitment to unsurpassed quality performance par excellence for our readers and advertisers — no matter what our name is."
—Compiled by Weekly Planet staff
This article appears in May 31 – Jun 6, 2006.