Credit: Photo via DAVID STRAZ FOR MAYOR/FACEBOOK

Credit: Photo via DAVID STRAZ FOR MAYOR/FACEBOOK
In the future, long after sea levels rise and Florida is just a brackish swamp filled with roaming bands of Libertarians trading bitcoins for dragonberry vape juice, a large stone mausoleum will remain, and it will remind us that Tampa Mayoral candidate David Straz once owned a private jet.

According to Florida Politics, financial disclosures with the Hillsborough County Supervisor of Elections reveal that the local millionaire has constructed a $1.1 million mausoleum in Tampa’s Myrtle Cemetery, complete with stained glass windows highlighting all the best shit he owns, including his Rolls-Royce and his private jet.

The windows also show a bank (where he made his millions), and images representing the visual and performing arts, two things Straz has donated hefty sums to while also enjoying hefty tax breaks.

Am I jealous? Not at all. My stained glass window would feature the dented grill of my Jetta, a copy of my student loan statements and a screen grab of my Buffalo Wild Wings "Blazin" rewards.  

You can read the full report on his mausoleum here.

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This article appears in Mar 21-28, 2019.

Colin Wolf has been working with weekly newspapers since 2007 and has been the Digital Editor for Creative Loafing Tampa since 2019. He is also the Director of Digital Content Strategy for CL's parent...