As the Lakers prepare to go mano a mano with the Celtics in the NBA Finals this Thursday, I’m reminded of the epic battles between these two proud franchises in the 1980s.

And how much I hate Boston.

Not so much this incarnation of the Celtics and their current roster of hired guns. But geez, how I loved rooting against that ’80s team led by the Hick from French Lick, Larry Bird, and his supporting cast of Kevin McHale (he of the incredibly successful low-post move), Robert Parish, Danny Ainge and Dennis Johnson.

I’m pretty sure I started despising Boston the moment I saw Celtics fans, sitting above their hallowed parquet floor, waving signs and chanting “Beat L.A.,” as if they were driven more by a desire to see those hotshots from Tinseltown lose (because Boston fans are oh-so salt-of-the earth) than for their own team to win. And then there’s the reputation Boston fans have for being racist. Unreasonable loathing on my part, you say? I don’t care. Celtics mascot

Celtic Pride?

Bite me.

Just one look at that smirking, winking Irish drunk mascot, Lucky the Leprechaun, gets my bile rising.

When the Finals begin, I won’t be rooting against the Celtics in the hopes that it will bring those arrogant New Englanders back down to earth. That’s well-nigh impossible. The Red Sox went without a World Series championship for 86 years, and despite their fans’ pitiable “woe is us” mentality during that time, they made up for it by acting as if they were the best, most knowledgeable fans in all of baseball, scourging us with Red Sox Nation, Curt Schilling’s bloody sock and sabermetrics-loving know-it-alls in the process. When the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004, you’d have thought the heavens had parted and the cryogenically frozen head of Ted Williams smiled down on all of baseball.

The sports world, and me in particular, has had to endure the insufferable Bosox winning two of the last four World Series. The New England Patriots, led by an uncharismatic, monosyllabic coach, have appeared in four of the last seven Super Bowls, winning three of them. The last thing the world needs is another Boston championship.

The last thing I need is another Boston championship.

It’s time to cowboy up, Lakers.

Beat Boston.

This article appears in Nov 12-18, 2008.