A reader writes, “So Dream Lady, every time I break up with a chic and I have doubts if I should spread the love as this relationship is over or work things out, I have a dream about my ex and if I wake up before I have sex with her, the relationship always ends.  However, if I do have sex with her in the dream – the relationship has always continued.  Am I a psychic dreamer or is this the way my brain is telling me to get over her and move on?”

 

Thanks for writing.  Here are my thoughts. 

If we look at this dream symbolically, i.e. it is not about sex but about a deep connection with a woman, you can look at your relationships with women differently.  I believe this dream is about a fundamental need you and many other guys have.  A need that is often unconscious.  The need to be deeply connected to a woman.  I mean deeply connected; connected beyond sex. 

The question that comes up for me is, does your deep connection need always be sexualized?  Remember, in the course of human development, the deepest love you will ever have with a woman is maternal, not sexual.  

So, other than sexually, I wonder how deeply connected you were with your ex?  With any woman?  Do you ever feel truly connected to a woman other than sexually?  

You ask about “getting over her and moving on.”  That’s not happening.  The real question is, “why can’t I get over her?”  Or, “what was it about the relationship with her I cannot find in other women?”  If you can answer those questions without putting sex into the equation you’ll be closer to understanding your relationship needs. 

Let me know your thoughts on my response. 

Dream Momma

Photo courtesy of Gary Gresham 2009

This article appears in Feb 25 – Mar 3, 2009.