ANNE COULTER
You gotta wonder how long it will be until she actually kills a liberal to pump falling book sales?
CLOONEY BACKS OBAMA
Offers him Don Cheadle's role in Ocean's 14.
ANNA NICOLE FUNERAL
Wasn't she scheduled to be buried at semen?
25 YEARS SINCE BELUSHI'S DEATH
The upside: At least we didn't have to watch Lorne Michaels produce Samurai Delicatessen: The Movie.
JUSTICE BREYER TO COMPETE ON RADIO QUIZ SHOW
Vows to use the platform to reveal that Antonin Scalia is an even bigger dick behind closed doors.
UK TABLOID: BRITNEY ATTEMPTS SUICIDE
A near-lethal combination of listening to her first disc on "repeat" and photos of K-Fed nearly did the trick.
LEGISLATIVE SEASON STARTS
Good news: Legislators can't accept campaign contributions during the 60-day session. Bad news: Now they begin screwing with state laws.
COMING OUT, PART 1
Steve Stanton hasn't even had sex reassignment surgery yet and already his bosses are treating him like a female employee.
COMING OUT, PART 2
Bucs sign Jeff Garcia.
JAKE PLUMMER
How many other losers are the Bucs going to have in camp? Watch it, this could be a trick question.
This article appears in Mar 7-13, 2007.