SMOKED OUT: Here are the derp heads who stole nearly $1,000 worth of cigars from Long Ash Cigars in Ybor City, Florida. Credit: Tampa Police Department (screenshot by Creative Loafing Tampa)

SMOKED OUT: Here are the derp heads who stole nearly $1,000 worth of cigars from Long Ash Cigars in Ybor City, Florida. Credit: Tampa Police Department (screenshot by Creative Loafing Tampa)

Here’s a tip: don’t steal from businesses, it’s against the law. Here’s another one: if you do decide to be an asshole, don’t do it in front of security cameras.

People do a lot of dumb shit on 7th Avenue in Ybor City, but these goons are taking home the golden dunce hat this week. On Monday, Tampa Police shared crystal-clear video of some half-baked wet bandits taking about $1,000 worth of cigars off the shelves at Long Ash Cigars.

The clip is about a minute long, and finds the crew of idiots crowding the inventory before at least one of them (the youngest-looking, mind you) puts a handful of stogies in his trousers. According to the video, the “heist” happened at 5:56 p.m. As of this writing, the clip has been shared more than 2,000 times and viewed 101,673 times.

I’m still ROFL-ing at the look on the guys’ faces, but TPD tickled me extra with this caption: “Help us smoke out these cigar thieves from their hiding place and you could earn up to $3K in cash.”

Anyone with info is asked to pass along your anonymous tips to Crime Stoppers of Tampa Bay online or by phone by calling 1-800-873-TIPS (8477). The case no. is 18-446537.

Watch the clip below.

Read his 2016 intro letter and disclosures from 2022 and 2021. Ray Roa started freelancing for Creative Loafing Tampa in January 2011 and was hired as music editor in August 2016. He became Editor-In-Chief...