The Weekly Planet editorial staff likes to sit around our weekly department meetings, wasting time under the guise of brainstorming. During one such session, as any keen-eyed Planet reader (along with a few naive suckers) could tell you, we decided to have a little April Fool's contest in our print edition ("The Male Swimsuit Issue," March 27-April 2). "It'll be great!" we said. "We'll write all this funny, fake copy and make our readers find it." And it was fun. It's so much easier to write about any topic — not to mention come up with good quotes — when you're pulling the stuff out of your ass. And so, with the idea of giving Planet fans something fun to do and the opportunity to win some free food, we set about hiding our bogus content throughout the paper.
Apparently, we either hid the items too well, or we're all far too skilled at making up stuff. Best not to wonder about that one.
While some of our readers managed to find most of the April Fool's items, no one entrant found them all (eight in all), and far more looked just a little too deeply, with highly amusing results. The most frequent guess was for the issue's Corkscrew column (Jest Drink It!), which was entirely true. What a surprise! We thought everyone knew about Fat Bastard, Smoking Loon, Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush and all the other monikally challenged wines in Tina Caputo's column. Tsk, tsk. Plenty of votes also came in from those people beset with the age-old difficulty of distinguishing ads from editorial. Philip Morris Inc. got several votes for its "Win a Trip to the Marlboro Ranch" ad (yes, the place does exist), as did the advertisement for Advanced Cosmetic Techniques. ("Tell me the lips are doctored — please!" pled one entrant.) The syndicated Straight Dope and Free Will Astrology columns were also runners up in the Wrong Guess category.
To put you out of your misery, the following list details the actual fake content in our April Fool's issue:
1. Cover: Although we've become quite fond of "Speedo Joe," as cover model Joe Davison has become known around the office, his rather risque appearance on our cover was, indeed, a joke.
2. Contents: Proving almost no one reads the Contents page, the fake news story tease, "Buddhist Monks Get Nasty," was spotted by only one person. Apparently our jaded readers find a "Tibetan lust triangle" in Tampa Bay a little less than shocking.
3. Dining Guide: Because we just can't give our Scientologist friends a break (they would think we've stopped loving them), Julie Garisto's totally bogus entry on Battlefield Earth Cafe was added to the Downtown Clearwater dining section.
4. Planet Picks: We can only assume everyone was still on a post-Olympics high when they failed to notice events writer Cooper Cruz's fake Monday pick. A Norwegian curling team? In Tampa? C'mon!
5. Books: While we don't doubt some people have whiled away a pleasant lunch hour with God, Scott Harrell's review of Lunch Date was pure fiction.
6. Outtakes: Perhaps indicating the gargantuan amount of time our readers spend at the movies (or at least reading about them), the nonexistent Lawrence of Arabia Redux review (by me, Kelli K) was among the most easily spotted items.
7. Music: Going above and beyond the call of duty, music critic and resident golden boy Scott Harrell not only wrote an entirely fabricated column about a phony metal band (Dedwagon), but supplied the piece de resistance, a phony photo, as well.
8. Spins: Last but not least, Eric Snider's Bennett Meets Bizkit caused at least one reader to jump online and seek out this unusual tandem's (unfortunately) sham CD.
A big thanks to our readers for entering (and for their sense of humor), and a super-big congrats to the New family in Dunedin, who, apparently through a joint effort, managed to locate six of the eight fake items. Not a perfect score, but considering this is our first April Fool's contest, not a stick in the eye, either. They'll receive a gift certificate to Cafe Creole and Oyster Bar in Ybor City.
Till next year …
—Kelli K
This article appears in Apr 17-23, 2002.