That was Bradenton's police chief speaking, referring to Officer Nicholas Evans, who (now, as a matter of police legend) arrested a veteran homeless woman-with-cart (on a prior warrant) and then, in an act of kindness to help her keep her worldly possessions together, literally dragged the cart alongside his cruiser (with his hand out the window) at 12 mph to go the 12 miles to the Manatee County Jail. And anyway, jailers called him back the next day and told him to get the damn thing out of their house. So Evans put her stuff in his trunk and took the cart back where it came from (Wal-Mart). [Sarasota Herald-Tribune]

Your Daily Loser D'Andre Jones, 18, with no driver's license and suspected of two armed robberies and an attempted robbery last week and with a ski mask and gloves in the trunk, nonetheless decided to cruise down the street in Port St. Lucie with his sound-barrier-blasting stereo going. Indeed, he was arrested. Mr. Jones goes by the street name (seriously), "Meathead." [TCPalm.com]

More Things To Worry About Today State Sen. Frederica Wilson of Miami reassures us: Only seven percent (that's 7, no more) of people in the inner city are violence-oriented [Miami Herald] . . . . . An unidentified man in North Miami is in the hospital after giving himself a Chevron bath and lighting a match; if he was protesting something, he forgot to distribute the memo [WPLG-TV (Miami)] . . . . . House speaker Marco Rubio, under the gun for profligate spending on staff, abruptly cut one guy from $119k to about $80k (and not surprisingly, the dude quit), but it's still more lucrative to work for Rubio than for the governor [St. Petersburg Times] . . . . . Orange County psychotherapist Dr. Carlos Rueda is under investigation by the state for excessively hands-on treatment of a sex-abuse victim (but criminal charges seem out because of her robo-acceptance of his doctorly instructions) [WFTV (Orlando)] . . . . . Jack Garrison, 35, charged with attempted murder in Jacksonville, escaped from the courthouse at his bond hearing by the daring act of telling the judge, Uh, Judge, I have to step outside for a minute [Florida Times-Union] . . . . . A Naples citizen eruditely suggested, "I would not like to see any signage in Collier County that relates to any sexual body parts" (referring to an about-to-open wings joint associated with hootage) [WBBH-TV (Fort Myers)].

This article appears in Jan 10-16, 2007.