I was born in 1998, and grew up in St. Petersburg, Florida, in the early 2000s. For the first fourteen years of my life I lived next door to a brave and outgoing lesbian. She and her partner raised a son together who was several years older than me. At a young age I knew I was attracted to girls. I envisioned that one day I’d marry a beautiful woman. Because I was born biologically female and I had a strong woman to look up to right next door, I assumed I was a lesbian. I had yet to learn the difference between sexuality and gender.
For the better part of a decade, Creative Loafing Tampa Bay has worked in concert with St. Pete Pride on production and distribution of its event guide, and despite a pandemic that forced an all-out cancellation of Pride last year, CL and St. Pete Pride teamed up again in 2021 for a standalone guide on stands through the month of June. This piece by Elliott James Darrow is pulled from that guide.
In school we were only taught heteronormative behaviors, even well into high school. They separated students into groups of girls and boys for physical education, lining up, singing, and eventually even our math and English classes. They told us that the opposite gender was a distraction, or that girls learned at a faster pace than boys. In health class they strayed from discussing homeosexual relationships in regards to sexual education and safety. I had little information about gender identity to work with. My idea of who I was as an individual had become defined by the standards of “the majority.”
When I was in my first relationship, I told my mom I did not want to label myself a lesbian, but over time I did. Feelings of being something other than female were not considered because I didn’t know it was an option. I solely thought that if you were born biologically female and felt like a boy, you were a lesbian.
In high school I learned the word “transgender” from my first significant other as they were considering their own transition. Thanks to the internet I was able to learn more and discover identities beyond sexual identity. I went to my first St Pete Pride parade at age 16, and was astonished and warmed by the feeling of others around me who felt the same. I started transitioning a couple years later, after I graduated high school.
My anthropology teacher at the USF St. Petersburg campus was the first teacher to call me Elliott and use the right pronouns. She asked appropriate questions and made sure I always felt comfortable in her classroom. I will forever be grateful for that kindness. Since my teens, the queer community in St. Pete has blossomed. LGBTQ-owned businesses and community leaders have strengthened our voices. I have been comfortable becoming Elliott and transitioning into the man I am today thanks to this and supportive friends.
I do feel jealousy for the current LGBTQ youth. The amount of resources they have here in St. Pete grows every year. I hope schools will soon follow this example and incorporate support to help LGBTQ kids navigate their identity. Tolerance and acceptance can be taught to all students at every age to create a comfortable learning environment. Giving kids the vocabulary and opportunity to be who they are is the minimum care we can provide. We need to do more.
St. Petersburg has the potential to be an example for cities all over the country. We have to continue to fight for the rights of our children, friends and family!
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This article appears in May 27 – Jun 2, 2021.