Inside the cavernous, slightly rococo womb of St. Pete's Mahaffey Theater, Joanne Ferraro Smith and I watch Kelli Cooper, Miss North Florida, rehearse.
Smith, who is the treasurer for Miss Florida Scholarship Pageant, Inc., is also handling press-wrangling duties for this four-day event.
Cooper is handling three batons and dancing acrobatically to music from Chicago.
As we head back toward the lobby, I mention that I've never attended a beauty contest before.
"I don't like to think of it that way. I think of the scholarships," says Smith, who went to college on a patronage just like the ones for which these girls are vying.
She hands me a large, glossy program for this year's Miss Florida competition — it's thicker than most magazines, but thinner than, say, the Bible — and shows me where to meet her for press credentials at show time.
Four syndicated sitcoms later, I'm back at Mahaffey for the pageant's kickoff night, along with some of the Bay area's landed gentry and a host of the contestants' well-traveled family, friends and cheering sections. Many, many dignified women arrive with their daughters or granddaughters in tow. These girls are largely tall, beautiful, in high school and wearing expressions of mildly amused resignation; like Dylan said, they don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
The house lights dim and I'm a little surprised to discover that beauty, er, scholarship pageants have remained essentially unchanged from what must have been their original formats. Oh, the lighting is better and this one's got itself a thematic slogan — "A Night for Divas" — that everyone involved undoubtedly found to be the perfect balance of class and contemporary edge. But there's an indelible vibe of down-home debutante tradition to the whole soiree, from the palm tree backdrop and tiered stage to the big opening number.
Miss Florida 2002, Katy Carson, kicks things off with an uplifting rendition of … some uplifting song or other. She introduces the 42 contestants, each of whom has already won a regional event and is therefore already Miss Jacksonville, Miss University of Central Florida or Miss Pasco County Fair.
Miss Mid-State has an extremely boisterous supporter directly to my right, who sounds like he might think she's his college's football team.
The hosts, two former Miss Floridas and professional pageant MC Galen Kovash, introduce a panel of five judges and thank various contributors to the pageant's coffers, while the ladies get ready for their respective performances.
In addition to their previously conducted individual interviews, the contestants will tonight be judged in three areas: Lifestyle & Fitness/Swimsuit, Talent and Evening Wear. For the sake of time constraints, the competitors are divided into three groups. The groups will show their stuff in one different area each on the first three nights of the pageant; on the final night, all groups will perform in all categories.
Tonight, the arbitrarily chosen Group C tackles the Lifestyle & Fitness portion, after Group B performs an interim dance number to an abysmal techno version of Christina Aguilera's "What A Girl Wants." Lifestyle refers to each candidate's social resume, educational record and career aspirations (every girl from the Jacksonville area, seriously, wants to be a country singer), reeled off by a host as the contestant traces a slow curlicue on the stage in a bathing suit and heels. Fitness apparently has to do with how hot she looks tracing a slow curlicue on the stage in a bathing suit and heels.
The Talent portion, featuring Group A, follows immediately. The ranks are split evenly between singing and dancing, though two girls twirl and dance, which, if counted as dancing, makes dancing the preferred exhibition of Talent. No mavericks take the stage sporting an albino python or an accordion and knee-cymbals, proving once again that the movies will, on occasion, lie to us. Obviously, all of the girls must be talented to have made it this far up the ladder of pageantry, and they are. But just as obviously, Miss City Beautiful — Ericka Dunlap — is of a higher caliber. Her strong, soulful, pitch-perfect vocal performance brings down the house.
At intermission, the plethora of buttons, signs and T-shirts proclaiming support for various contestants have multiplied unimaginably. It's like a political rally. There are enough conspicuously labeled Ericka Dunlap boosters in the house to make someone who didn't know what's going on tonight think she's giving a concert.
The lobby lights blink, calling us in for the Evening Gown display. A family member escorts contestants from Group B to the stage. They trace slightly different curlicues than their swimsuited counterparts. Most are accompanied by their fathers, which casts them in an endearingly innocent light, but Miss North Miami trumps them all, paired with an adorable nephew who might be all of nine years old.
They're then asked two questions, one about their future plans and one regarding their choice of "platform," a social service each has highlighted, such as ecological preservation, Big Brothers & Sisters, etc. Miss Orlando's clear, eloquent responses are a highlight. So are Miss Mid-State's. Not only do we find out that her endorsement of CPR education stems from her being struck by lightning, but we're also treated to her belief that celebrities have a responsibility to not say anything that goes against popular opinion.
The two hosts who once held the title so sought after each give up a big, dynamic, "Wind Beneath My Wings"-style number, and then it's time to announce tonight's winners. The big money doesn't get doled out till Saturday — over $42,000 in scholarship money, all told — but a preliminary victor in each category will receive $250 this evening. Miss Florida Orange Blossom, Morgan Ortagus, takes the Lifestyle & Fitness prize. Shauna Pender, Miss St. Petersburg herself, wins for the Evening Gown competition. And Miss City Beautiful, Ericka Dunlap, tops the Talent category, much to the delight of her outsized throng.
A veteran who's been competing since before she was seven, Dunlap is both gracious and overwhelmed. She says pageants have done wonders for her talents, self-esteem and social skills, but adds that one of her primary motivations to continue is to set an example for other young African-American women who might see the opportunities afforded a pageant winner as closed off from them.
"It's so important for me to be there for other girls who think they don't have a chance," she says. "I beat the odds. This is living proof that you can achieve your dreams."
I head to my truck thinking that's definitely a good thing.
And also thinking that, with Miss America annually giving away $45 million in scholarship money, beauty pageants aren't the pointless, elitist, self-congratulatory exercises I thought they were.
And also thinking how great it is that none of Florida's best and brightest young women are overweight, or underweight, or unattractive, or handicapped.
Because, really, who wants to see that paraded around onstage?
Scott Harrell can be reached at 813-248-8888, ext. 109, or by e-mail at scott.harrell@weeklyplanet.com.
This article appears in Jul 3-9, 2003.