The White House has released a transcript of the controversial speech President Obama is slated to make Sept. 8 at a high school in Virginia. To save the pundits the trouble of analyzing the text point by point, we've gone ahead and inserted some useful opposition talking points. (Read aloud with air of barely controlled panic and angry incredulity, à la Glenn Beck.)

Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama

Back to School Event

Arlington, Virginia

September 8, 2009

…no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could’ve stayed in bed just a little longer this morning…

He's pretending this is a speech about helping kids stay in school, but HE'S ENCOURAGING THEM TO BE TRUANTS!

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia…

INDONESIA=Islam=secret Muslim anti-American agenda

…for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school.

His mother REFUSED to have him study with Americans