Dear Oracle,
A friend of mine just experienced a devastating loss. Her heart is completely shattered. So is mine. I want to be able to support her in this unbearable grief but I’m at a loss of what to do. It’s such a worst-case scenario that everything I can think of to help just seems so stupid. How can I support my friend?—Friend in need
Cards: Three of Wands, The Chariot, Ten of Swords, The High Priestess (reversed)
Dear Friend,
I am so sorry for your friend and the loss she has experienced. I know what my worst-case scenario of loss would be, and I don’t know how I would recover from that.
There is the predicament that many people find themselves in when experiencing grief second-hand. They don’t know what to say to a friend or colleague or stranger when they disclose their loss, so they end up saying very little or nothing at all.
Do not do this.
The Three of Wands is a card about acknowledging the past as you prepare to move forward. Talk to your friend about their grief. Listen to them and ask questions. So often, death and loss are treated as taboo, but to ignore it is to ignore the most human part of ourselves.
Send your questions to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram
It is going to take your friend a long time to get through this grief. The Ten of Swords can be seen as a “rock bottom” card; it’s the lowest you go. As Swords are the suit of the mind, it can be an unshakable grief or depression. But there is a tinge of hope to it as well. Things cannot get any worse, and if your friend survives this initial blow, she will be able to claw her way out of this.
When it comes to grief, the only way out is through, and The Chariot reminds us of this. There is a path forward, but it requires your friend to feel and process this grief. The High Priestess reversed is a card of the subconscious, spirituality, and our deepest emotions. With it being reversed, it suggests that this processing will take a long time. A therapist or support group can be a way to help people process; you might do the heavy lifting in research and make a list of resources for your friend.
Caretaking often happens immediately after a tragedy, but it can peter out. The freezer full of meals from friends runs out, the calls checking in dry up. It’s going to be a long journey for your friend, and there will be obstacles. One of the best things you can do is help clear the path for The Chariot. In the beginning, this might look like picking up groceries or helping clean their house. Later on, it might be gently encouraging them to reengage with things they love. It might mean listening for an hour if they want to talk or silently watching TV with them if they don’t.
In a way, what we do in the face of terrible grief is never enough. But knowing that you are there for her, that you’re willing to continue to be there for her, can make this process just slightly easier.
My heart goes out to you and your friend.
Dear Oracle,
I feel bad saying this, but I’m thinking about having an affair. I’ve been with my partner for two decades; we have a family together, but we haven’t been happy for a long time. They don’t want to go to couples counseling. I don’t want to get a divorce for the sake of the kids. I’m not actively looking for an affair partner, but I can’t help but think that if someone offered, I would jump at the chance. What should I do?—Flirting with Disaster?
Cards: Eight of Pentacles, Two of Pentacles, Ace of Cups (reversed), Four of Wands
Dear Flirt,
The first question to ask yourself is: what do you hope to get out of an affair? Do you want to sleep with a stranger to know that you’re still desirable? Do you want to have an affair with an ex to see what could have been? Do you want to fall in love again? Do you want to have different kinds of sex that your partner isn’t down for? Figuring out the why can help you see what you actually desire.
Because I don’t know if you’re cut out for a libertine liaison. The pentacles are a suit of work, but they’re also a suit of values. The Eight of Pentacles suggests that you work hard to live your values and that they are deeply important to you. With the Two of Pentacles, I can see you trying to balance what you feel emotionally and what you hold to be true in your heart. It’s hard to live your values; it’s much easier to preach one thing and do fuck all about it.
But with the Ace of Cups and the Four of Wands, I think you do value your marriage and value the love you and your partner either have or once had. With the Ace reversed, I wonder if you both may have felt like that cup of love is a little drained. Is there a way to connect with each other and fill it back up?
I do strongly, strongly, encourage you to try couples’ therapy. Your partner may not want to do it now, but if they know you’re toying with the idea of divorce (you don’t need to mention the affair), then perhaps they’ll take it more seriously.
I do think 20 years of minutiae can take its toll on even the most passionate romances. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship won’t work, just that it might need to be recalibrated.
Again, I really encourage you both to go into therapy. If they’re really unwilling, then perhaps seeing a counselor on your own might benefit you.
Take care, my dear.
See more of Caroline and learn about her services via carolinedebruhl.com.
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This article appears in Sept. 24 – 30, 2026.
