Dear Oracle, I’ve known “Peter” for 15 years, about five years before he met his wife “Jane.” At first, it seemed like they were a good match but as the years have gone on, things seem to have become detreated. It isn’t an abusive situation, but the things that Peter has told me make it sound like they are both miserable in their marriage and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of trust or love. I ended up moving away during COVID, so I only know what Peter says, but he’s clearly depressed. What are my obligations here as a friend?—Concerned confidant
Cards in Four Pairs: Knight of Cups, The Emperor (reversed); King of Cups, the Hierophant (reversed); Temperance, Knight of Cups; Five of Pentacles, Six of Wands.
Dear CC, when you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, you get to know their tells when they’re lying to you. Typically, these aren’t malicious lies, but rather ones that they use to save face, like saying they like the inedible lamb dish you served or that they’re “just talking” to their dirtbag ex or that they’re fine-“no, really!”—when they clearly aren’t. Knowing someone intimately like this can make you feel almost psychic. But our intuition might not be the most precise, and while you can tell something is wrong, what you think it is might be completely off base.
Which brings us to Peter and Jane. Now, I know less about their marriage than you do—and you aren’t an expert either. So, take this information with a grain of salt.
But, from where I’m sitting, Peter seems to love his wife. As the Knight of Cups, he’s galloping in and actually might have the intensity of a love-struck teenager. Love does not seem to be the issue here. Rather, with the Emperor reversed, it might feel like a lack of control or a crushing weight of responsibility. The Emperor is a card of diplomacy rather than brute force, so IF the issue is the relationship itself, it might be that Peter feels he’s trying to do his best to be level-headed and talk things through, and it’s not going anywhere. (Or it’s about something ) As a diplomat, The Emperor is also a man of his word, suggesting that Peter would take vows seriously and do what he can to work through issues.
As for Jane, I also think she’s pretty in love. The King of Cups is either her thinking Peter is her soulmate or her being the strong loving partner that Peter needs. Again, I don’t think love is the problem. For Jane, though, the issue might be a more existential or spiritual one. While I tend to write about The Hierophant in a secular way, it was originally called “The Pope” and a card about faith and spirituality. What is going on with Jane might be a lack of spiritual fulfillment—either as a crisis of faith or needing something that feeds her soul and feels meaningful to her.
I try to keep the woo in the column to the bare minimum, but I do believe that we have a mind, body, and soul, and when one fails, the other two tend to follow. We need meaning in our lives. We need to feel connected to something larger than ourselves. We need to feed our souls or hearts or spirit or whatever you want to call it. That is a huge issue and one that does not have an easy fix.
What you hear in Peter’s voice might not be depression but defeat. It’s hard to watch someone we love struggle, especially if we are helpless to alleviate their pain. But that doesn’t mean all is hopeless.
When it comes to what they would need, we have Temperance, the earthy card of balance, fulfillment, and patience. They both need to feel fulfilled. They both need to feel like they are getting as much as they are giving—from each other and from the universe. This is not a quick fix. It requires a lot of time and patience but, as they both seem to be in love and in it to win it, they have time.
They also probably need money.
The King of Pentacles is a card of generosity, hard work, and providing. And while they do certainly need to extend grace to each other, they do need to do their own emotional hard work and provide space for the other, they probably also need literal generosity. Money troubles complicate everything and can add stress to the soundest of marriages. Given that groceries now cost roughly the same as rent, Peter and Jane might be feeling this external pressure, too. (At the very least, the economy is not helping matters.)
So, given this possible insight, what should you, as a friend, do? The answer is—respectfully—to mind your own goddamn business. The Five of Pentacles means that you are on the outside of this situation, and you aren’t coming in. With the Six of Wands, it would seem like you should also, perhaps, be happy for your friend.
This does not mean that you should ignore Peter’s misery, or pretend that nothing is amiss, but if your friend is not asking you, SPECIFICALLY, for advice after providing you with lots of details, then your role is that of a caring friend. Someone who can listen and acknowledge that things are hard.
Hopefully, this storm will pass, and Peter and Jane will both find fulfillment, and each will begin to bloom again. In the meantime, be there for your buddy, however that looks.
And don’t mention to him that he and his wife seem miserable and their marriage loveless. That’s a thought best kept to yourself.
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This article appears in May 1-7, 2025.
