Dear Oracle, My best friend from childhood, my soulmate, will not talk to me, and I don’t know why. We live across the country from each other. I have tried to text her, but she must have blocked me. I think we have not had contact for twelve years. She is a lesbian and I’m straight, but we were going to live together, and I was going to have a sperm bank baby. But then, I met my present husband and so backed out of that plan. We stayed friends after that. But it’s true, it wasn’t the same. But I thought it was because at the same time she took up with a woman who was very jealous of our friendship, and basically forbade my friend from having much to do with me. I thought if they ever broke up, she would come find me, and we would be best friends again. But now I find out that they broke up ten years ago, and she still has not contacted me. And she will not answer any of my texts or calls. This woman has not only been my closest friend. She is the closest thing I have to a sister. She is my soulmate. What do I do?—Missing My Soulmate
Cards for the present: Six of Swords, The Hanged Man, Six of Pentacles, Queen of Swords (All reversed)
Cards for What You Want: Ten of Cups, The Lovers (reversed)
Cards for What You Need to Do: Full Moon, Seven of Wands (reversed)
Dear Missing,
When it comes to “soulmates,” I personally subscribe to Kurt Vonnegut’s idea of a Karass. I think there are multiple people with whom we are meant to meet and go through this life. Some of these relationships last decades, some only a few hours, but they are still fated to be. But soulmates are people; they do have free will. We all get to choose who we keep in our lives, regardless of fate.
I know that losing this woman, this great love of yours, has been devastating. The Six of Swords can be a card of death, and to lose someone you were so close to feels like a death. It is an absence in your life that only they can fill. The Six of Swords is also a card of struggle between the past and the future, between inertia and moving forward. You are firmly stuck in this grief.
The Hanged Man is often seen as a symbol for martyrdom because it is a card that is all heart and a card of the outsider. It’s giving yourself completely—possibly to your detriment—to something others cannot understand.
In this case, I think what makes your grief so difficult to deal with is that you do not have the language to describe honestly what this relationship was, what it meant, and what actually happened.
To paraphrase a friend of the column, Harry Crews, stories are how we understand ourselves. In your story, you considered having a child with your platonic friend, but then you began a romantic relationship that led to marriage. But what is her story? Is it not that the woman she planned on having children with left her for someone else? Both are true, but neither tells the complete story.
There are so many dynamics at play here: the expectations, the actions, the unspoken feelings, and the outside influence of others. Both of you brought partners into the mix, and that does change dynamics, however subtly.
I don’t know if you’ve ever talked to her about what happened or how she felt or what really drove this wedge. I do know that this relationship was much deeper than a “best friend,” and this loss can feel isolating if no one else quite gets what you’re upset about.
It is so clear that you’ve shared so much with this woman. As the Six of Pentacles, I think that generosity flowed both ways and that you both were each other’s confidants, intellectual partners, and support systems. I think you felt an incredible sense of purpose when you were with her, and it was a relationship that fed your soul and your mind.
As the Queen of Swords, I think she had a mind and soul that you loved dearly and that you have held and prized her above all since. She has taken up residence in your own mind, and you think about her often. But something happens when we let someone reside only in our minds: we rob them of any chance to fuck up.
Their flaws are smoothed and good attributes highlighted–and possibly exaggerated. They can quickly become The One Who Got Away, which puts you at a great disservice. You cannot catch The One Who Got Away, and even if you did, you’re bound to be disappointed in those oh-so-human flaws.
I know in your mind, you also envision and want a happy ending. The Ten of Cups is the complete journey of love, reunited and never to be apart again. The Lovers, the bonded pair. It would be just like it was.
But this outcome is out of your control. It’s up to her and up to fate to rejoin you in life. What you do have control over are your actions, and those need to be addressed.
The Seven of Wands is the protective barrier at the cliff’s ledge. It is a turning point: there must be a change because if you plow ahead, you will go straight off the edge. This is not easy to do. The Wands are passions and desires, and while they’re heightened under the Full Moon (unique to Uusi’s “Pagen Otherworlds” deck), you can see them clearly. You know this is not working out.
You are met with silence and rejection, and you cannot keep doing this for your own sake.
If you allow it to, this grief, this love, this rejection will metastasize, and it will kill you. I mean that quite literally; it happens all the time. There has to be a dramatic shift in action, and I think that starts with processing your deep grief and learning how to talk about this relationship.
I would highly encourage you to seek out a therapist, ideally one with experience in non-traditional relationships, but definitely one who is LGBTQ+ affirming. I would also encourage you to keep a notebook where you can write all the things you want to say to your friend. This could be long letters or little things you’d want to text her. Whenever you have the urge to reach out to her, write it down there. If she does decide to reach out to you again, you’ll have your log ready to tell her everything you want to say.
I am so sorry you have carried this wound around for so long. I know how devastating it can be to lose someone and how isolating it can be when you cannot talk about it. I do hope that with help and time, you can process this loss and find peace.
Thank you so much for trusting me with your question.
Send your questions to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram. See more of Caroline and learn about her services via carolinedebruhl.com.
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This article appears in June 18 – 24, 2026.
