Summer television was once a wasteland of reruns and substandard original programming. The only difference now is that the sheer number of substandard original programs seems to have increased threefold, with reality television responsible for most of the muck.

But there's no reason you can't enjoy even the worst that reality TV has to offer. This summer you can navigate through the dating games and the makeover shows, watch just a few minutes of each, and earn points along the way by playing CL's own home game: "Ultimate Reality Show Voyeur!" (Awards ceremony details to be announced at a later date.)

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School

Sundays at 9 p.m., VH1

The unholy spawn of Flavor of Love and I Love New York, the latest VH1 Celebreality creation sends the Flava Flav rejects from season one and season two to a charm school run by saucy comedienne Mo'Nique. The schizoid cast of contestants includes Pumkin (the girl who hawked the loogie), Blondie (the girl who puked into a bucket), Toastee (the girl who was always drunk) and Saaphyri (the girl who beat up another girl with some flowers). Fortunately, "Somethin'" (the girl who shit on the stairs) was not invited back.

SCORING: Earn 5 points every time a girl exclaims, "Oh, hell no!"; 10 points for every cat fight and subsequent on-camera cry; and 20 points any time a girl shows her ass.

National Bingo Night

Premieres Friday, May 18, ABC

The latest prime-time game show is based on the American pastime enjoyed most by elementary school kids and senior citizens, most of whom will likely be asleep by the show's 9 p.m. premiere. If this is a success, can Pinochle and Canasta be far behind?

SCORING: Earn 10 points if you can watch a full round of bingo; 50 points if you can sit through an entire show; and -50 points if you print your own card from ABC.com and play along.

On the Lot

Premieres Tuesday, May 22, FOX

This reality show is billed as an American Idol-style competition for wannabe filmmakers, and is generating quite a buzz because Steven Spielberg is involved. Basically, 16 contestants are split up into groups and charged with the task of producing a short film from a different genre each week. The resulting films are critiqued by a panel of judges in front of a live studio audience and voted on by viewers, who ultimately choose the winner of a $1 million DreamWorks development deal.

SCORING: Earn 5 points for every "I can't work under these conditions!" or related exclamation; 10 points every time you hear a wannabe filmmaker quote a line from a Spielberg movie; -10 points if you recite the quote along with said wannabe filmmaker.

The Ex-Wives Club

Premieres Monday, May 28, ABC

Hollywood exes Shar Jackson (whose man Britney Spears stole, then divorced), Marla Maples (who stole Donald Trump from Ivanka, then divorced him), and Angie Everhart (who?) have all learned how to get on with their lives, and are now ready to help others get on with theirs! Inspirational? No. Will it make you want to throw up? Most definitely!

SCORING: Earn 3 points if you can hold it down; 10 points if you can't; and 20 if you aim directly for the screen.

Pirate Master

Premieres Thursday, May 31, CBS

Over the course of 33 days, 16 modern-day pirates live aboard a massive, 179-foot pirate ship and embark on weekly treasure-hunting expeditions for real gold coins. There's a lot of complicated rules that aren't really important, but basically, one pirate will become captain, he or she assigns roles and chores to the remaining crew members, and resentments will build to possible mutiny. In the end, only one pirate will win the $500,000 booty and claim the title of "Pirate Master." Sounds as appealing as winning the title of "Ultimate Reality Show Voyeur."

SCORING: 5 points every time a person yells, "Arrrggghhh, Matey!"; 10 points for every post-show newscast on Tampa Bay's 10 that leads in with some sort of bad pirate metaphor; 20 points if the newscast actually begins with a story relating to the show or pirates.

Hell's Kitchen

Premieres Monday, June 4, FOX

American Idol judge Simon Cowell is like a little English lamb compared to Chef Gordon Ramsay, who morphs from a marginally charming English gentleman into a spittle-spewing culinary demon as soon as he puts on his apron. Ramsay's insults typically cut to the bone, which makes it easier for him to pick off chefs until he finds the one that can endure his deplorable supervisory skills and cook agreeably at the same time.

SCORING: 2 points for every Ramsay curse; 4 points for every nervous breakdown by an aspiring chef; 10 points for every chef that dares to talk back; 20 points for the chef who walks out.

Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List

Premieres Tuesday, June 5, Bravo

Griffin continues to be miserably funny, and we continue to watch, wondering if we'll see a total D-list meltdown.

SCORING: 5 points for every time they show Kathy getting her hair done; 10 points if it's her ex-husband doing it.

Flight Of The Conchords

Premieres Sunday, June 17, HBO

It's not really a reality show, but like Curb Your Enthusiasm, it has real-life people — Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement of folk parody duo Flight Of The Conchords — playing fictionalized versions of themselves and working off partially improvised scripts.

SCORING: 5 points for every awkward moment; 10 points for every bad song, however comically delivered.

Age of Love

Premieres Monday, June 18, NBC

NBC is keeping Age of Love particulars a secret, describing it cryptically as "a new twist on the reality dating show format." A ploy to drum up interest? You bet. Percentage chance it sucks? 95.

SCORING: Pick one of the following as the likeliest premise: a) Harold & Maude, but for real; b) a cooking show in which everything is made from 2-year-old Cheddar; c) the first pedophile dating show. If the premise you choose is close to the real thing, give yourself 50 points.

Shaq's Big Fat Challenge

Premieres Tuesday, June 26, ABC

The participants in this six-episode weight-loss reality series are obese middle-school students from Florida — where else? — who are motivated to get healthy by host Shaquille O'Neal.

SCORING: Earn 20 points if you happen to find the Fark.com "Florida" headline leading to a story about this show; 50 points if you create it yourself.

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This article appears in May 9-15, 2007.