The 2000 census returned an odd tidbit: For the first time in our nation's history, single householders outnumbered family households.
If you are single, chances are that you're putting much of your life into fighting it while telling everyone you're happy. If you're not single, you're probably telling everyone you're happy while wishing you were single.
If you want to meet someone — you have to leave your house. This is primary.
Fill your life with what makes you passionate, but keep your childlike curiosity by trying one new event each week. If you don't know how to flirt, act like someone who does. Talk to everyone.
And finally, don't pledge monogamy to just one place. This is where polyandry actually works. Take a whole genre of people-meeting opportunities and make it a project. What you'll learn will mean more to you than the worn seat of your pajama pants.
BEST PLACE TO FILL THE BITCH SEAT
Bike Nights
The bike night has quickly become every dismal little burg's urban renewal project. Far from the days when bikers were scary, rapacious outlaws after the family virgin, these days, the daughter is more likely to see Pops sitting on a hog, checking out the ladies who might be suitable for his bitch seat (a term that has crept into the boardroom quicker than the bedroom). The locally produced TV show Born to Ride has a website that keeps up with major events in the state. From weekend runs to fundraising barbecues to the weekly events, this is the best place to plan a week of meeting a truly democratic group of people from librarians to lawyers. Just avoid the man with the teardrop tattoos. That hasn't leapt the fence into gentility. Yet.
Born to Ride airs at 11 a.m. Sunday on WTOG-Ch. 44. Visit www.borntoride.com.
BEST PLACE TO FIND A WHOLESOME MATE
Small Towns
Hats off to urban renewal because it works. Ybor City might be a dismal example, but take a day trip to places like Dunedin, Tarpon Springs, Gulfport or even Plant City and you'll find Main Street is alive and well. You'll be rewarded with unique architecture, little-known histories and the warm feeling of being in a black-and-white movie. These downtowns often present "browsing" opportunities, which are really super slow motion cruising. You can project to a prospective partner yards of nonverbal information based on how you handle that amber toned glass art object that you've suddenly realized costs more than your rent, and you really have to put it down. Carefully. Sure, Pier 1 is cheaper, but one is the loneliest number.
BEST PLACE TO FILL A LONELY NIGHT
Other People's Neighborhood Bars
Admit it, you've mined the opportunities in yours until it's a bit embarrassing to realize you might have seen everyone there either naked in the flesh or naked in your dreams, whether you wanted to or not. Having people scream out your name when you walk into a bar is only comfortable when you have nowhere else to go. It's like parking your love car in long-term parking. And really, you have to put that puppy into drive. Talk to your married and single friends about their neighborhood bar, and make sure you also identify the best times to go. Happy hour is an old reliable standard but so is the twilight time on weekends, before everyone goes to their "real" destination. I'll share three of mine. Pipo's Latin Café on Thursday nights from 6 p.m. Good mix of talkative characters. Good, too, on weekends. Po' Boys happy hour on any night. This is the neighborhood bar for the beautiful people. The Garden Restaurant's bar almost always has persons of interest with constant refreshing of the barstools.
Pipo's Latin Café, 238 E. Davis Blvd., Davis Islands, 813-258-8100;
Garden Restaurant, 217 Central Ave., St. Petersburg, 727-896-3800; Po Boys, 302 S. Howard Ave., Tampa, 813-250-0434.
BEST PLACE TO GET SOME DOGGIE-STYLE ACTION
Dog Parks
You don't have to go to flirting academy if you've got a dog. And a tip for the canine squeamish: I've seen men make time just walking around with someone else's empty leash. Right off, you have something to talk about. Honestly, talking to someone with a full poop bag in your hand is a bit distracting at first, but like so many indignities in life, you simply get used to it. Like bars, these parks have a flow and demographic to them. Take Fluffy to another city to walk. Turn the routine into ritual. Sarasota sports some fine dog parks. I like the lush friendliness of St. Petersburg's North Shore dog park. It is in the shadow of the romantically pink Vinoy and dramatically edged by the bay. It is 25 minutes from my house and worth packing up the pugs for a drive.
Peruse the following sites for dog parks in your area: http://tampa.about.com/library/weekly/blbarklist.htm or www.dogfriendly.com.
BEST PLACE TO FIND YOUR SOUL MATE
Temples of Worship
Tampa Tribune columnist Michele Bearden's Saturday column and events are likely one of the most undersung listings in our area. Really, some of the best events appear only here. Church bazaars, festivals, fundraisers, volunteer opportunities and more. Her listings aren't restricted to standard Christian events, but also have Muslim festivals, important visits from little-known respected Far East spiritual leaders and even psychic fairs that are affiliated with places of worship. If one religion doesn't suit you, try two or three. Find a congregation that makes you feel welcome or supports your belief system in a real, powerful, community-based way. There are many ways to love. Living a life of full love and spiritual respect is merely one of them.
BEST PLACE TO SMASH YOUR BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK
Chuck E. Cheese's
If all else fails and you've become a SINK (Single No Kids) with a baby Jones, spend an hour at Chuck E. Cheese's. Going to see the mechanical rat will kill all desire to procreate in this lifetime and the next. If the gerbil maze attached to the ceiling full of screaming children licking its plastic windows doesn't reduce your sperm to smoke then stand by the cash registers. Listen to the huge amounts of money laid out to be in this screaming room full of avarice. You've just paid $70 for a cardboard pizza and a salad bar a baby drooled into. Your fallopian tubes will tie their own selves off after standing in a sea of cruel children bashing things and yelling for more money, more tokens, more attention, more food and more, more, more. Don't be fooled that the employee stamping mom and kids on the hand is a security measure to keep them safe and together; he/she is making sure the brats aren't abandoned like Baby Moses. Going home alone never felt so very, very good.
Chuck E. Cheese's has three locations in the bay area. Here's my fave: 14308 N. Dale Mabry, Tampa, 813-963-7200.
RhondaK teaches a class for Baywinds Learning Centres called "100 Ways to be Happy and Single in Tampa Bay." For more info, visit www.baywinds.net or call 813-977-0996 or 1-800-300-6994 for a catalog of classes.
This article appears in Sep 25 – Oct 1, 2003.