Rick Mixon, day trader and Republic-Dad, drives an SUV, wears Brooks Brothers suits, and has an almost clownish devotion to golf and cigars. He is dangerously close to a '50s stereotype, and nobody knows it better than he. Republi-Dad can't shake the feeling that he's come out on the wrong side of hip, and maybe even decency — that in some small measure he resembles the fat-ass business magnates who pull the evildoers' strings in comic books. How does he face up to this fear? He doesn't.
"Give me Big Boy Toys," he'll say. "I deserve them."
Gifts in this category include:
A humidor
Premium stuff, don'tcha know, from "the cigar capital of the world." Get Dad the Jamestown model ($200). Or go for a stocking stuffer: lighters, cutters, that sort of thing.
Cigars by Antonio, 615 Channelside Drive, Tampa.
A satellite radio
Every SUV needs one. A whole new unit can run anywhere from $180 to $2,300. Or you could go with an FM modulator that, for much less, will change Dad's existing radio into something a little more Buck Rogers. In either case, he'll need a special antenna (about $50) and a plan. The cheapest is pay-as-you go monthly ($12.95), but if you're feeling flush, get him the Never Pay Another Bill plan ($499.99), which is good for the life of the radio.
To find an auto dealer or store that can set you up, go to https://home.sirius.com.
The trick in buying gifts for Dad, though, is to recognize his "complexity." Supplement the golf accessories and businessman gadgets with a few carefully selected items that suggest there's somehow more to him than meets the eye. He has qualities, after all, that set him apart from the white shoe crowd. True, he wants flat taxes, a big-dick foreign policy and red meat on his dinner plate, but the differences are real. He's not big on flag-wavers, for one. And the whole "Praise Jesus!" thing? Well, let's just say he'd rather not. Buy some gifts that play to this side of Dad's multi-faceted character. But use your head. A Che T-shirt would be an affront.
Gifts that flatter Dad's free-wheeling, free-thinking side include:
Space Elephant
A hand-crafted resin sculpture of an elephant "inspired by the paintings of Salvador Dali," it's an avant-garde representation of the GOP's ponderous pachyderm. Reactionary hip. Perfect.
$72, Dali Museum, St. Petersburg.
Nose-hair trimmer
He took a pronounced interest when the subject came up on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. What's more, he needs one. Badly.
$20 approx., Target.
Nat Nast silk jacquard shirt
Sort of a Jimmy Buffett look, only a hell of a lot classier. Honest. And if the man truly enjoys the high-roller-on-the-make look (and hey, he's a day trader, right?), get him some pricey loafers, too. Hurricane Pass has alligator-skin loafers for $1,395 — saddle-tanned, matte-finish Louisiana alligator venetian with an all-season rubber bottom.
Shirt around $130, Hurricane Pass Outfitters and Trading Company, 615 Channelside Drive, Tampa.
Indian spear
Dad likes Indians. His high school was the Redskins. Indians ride horses sideways and smoke tobacco at powwows and such. It's the kind of multiculturalism he can go in for — no minority this, minority that. They're Indians, for god sake. Buy Dad this sticking spear, a wooden pole with a beautiful hand-chipped head, and he'll be dancing with wolves, so to speak, come Christmas morning.
$40, Indian Stuff, 1064 Fourth St. N., St. Petersburg.
This article appears in Nov 17-23, 2004.
