SATURDAY 31

President Obama signs the Defense Authorization Act, which allows the president to detain U.S. citizens indefinitely and without trial. Sleep well, America.

SUNDAY 1

The nation rings in 2012, united in the conviction that 2011 sucked.

MONDAY 2

Bucs coach Raheem Morris gets the boot from One Buc Place after the team loses 10 in a row to end the season. Oh, c’mon give the guy a chance!

TUESDAY 3

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney beats Rick Santorum by just eight votes in the Iowa caucus. Santorum blames the octomom for not doing a better job of getting out the vote.

WEDNESDAY 4

Michele Bachmann drops out of the Republican primary. Does this mean you’ll stop sending us emails, Michele? Please?