BUSH BUDGET
Community policing and fighting violence against women: Out. Community policing and fighting violence against women … in Iraq: In.
SHERYL CROW AND LANCE ARMSTRONG CALL IT QUITS
Proving our long-held theory that seven Tour de France's can't make up for one ball.
RICK MORANIS' THE AGORAPHOBIC COWBOY
Humorous country album is neither humorous, nor country. Discuss.
STILL QUOTING CHAPPELLE'S "I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH."
About as timely as a Monica Lewinsky joke.
QUOTING FROM THE WEDDING CRASHERS DVD
The new "I'm Rick James, bitch."
ARBY'S
Better than you remember.
WATCH YER ASS IN DUNEDIN
In past two weeks, St. Petersburg Times outs Dunedin city administrator as a lesbian and a mayoral candidate as a Scientologist. As long as they don't go after our favorite speak-easy gambling joint we're fine. Crap.
NEW REPUBLICAN MAJORITY LEADER JOHN BOEHNER
It's pronounced "Bay-ner." Our apologies to our dick-joke aficionados.
TRIB REPORTER FIRED FOR COOKING HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETE VOTE
The "I've always voted like this" defense was certainly inspired. But for the future, "I'm sorry, I can't believe I became more petty and vindictive than a high school girl" is also good in a pinch.
NFL CENSORS STONES, CHEATS SEAHAWKS
Was that Vince McMahon we saw up in Tagliabue's box?
BROWN AND BUBBLY
Who's the douche who got paid six-figures for that one?
FRENCH FACE TRANSPLANT PATIENT SAYS "NOW I'VE GOT A FACE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE."
Sorry dear, medical miracle and all, but no. No you don't. That thing's one-of-a-kind.
CREEPY HEADLINE OF THE WEEK:
"Tom Cruise, Jacko: Same Problem." —FoxNews.com (2/6)
This article appears in Feb 15-21, 2006.
