CELLPHONE SPYING
Good thing we broke up with our long-distance mistresses in Afghanistan.
McCAIN AND FALWELL
The exact number of additional asses McCain has to kiss to win the nomination: 247,895.
REDNER'S 8-POINT PLAN
Four strippers. (Do the math.)
PROSECUTOR REVEALS CHENEY NOTES
Written on copy of Joseph Wilson's NYT op-ed piece: "Karl — let's fuck this guy over by revealing that his wife is CIA. I'll get Scooter on it, he's tight with Judy and Matt."
RESTAURANT BT
The only location in Florida outside of Miami to make Condé Nast Traveler's "Hot List."
MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE
Series finally says farewell; Dewey hitting 40 made it a bit unbelievable.
BUMMED-OUT TEACHERS
Times poll finds low morale; we're guessing it's the low pay, moronic kids and mind-numbing bureaucracy.
HEATWAVE MEMORIES
If you can remember WMNF's Tropical Heatwave, you weren't there.
TROOPS ON THE BORDER
Sure, it'll keep the Mexicans out, but what about the Canadians? Have you driven on Gulf to Bay Boulevard in March??
SOPRANOS SPIN-OFF
Vito & Grace, a gay Mafioso on the lam hooks up with a straight interior decorator looking for a new TV series.
OUR MISSION
"To tell the truth, mostly the truth, and hardly anything but the truth."
Compiled by Weekly Planet staff
This article appears in May 17-23, 2006.