Hey! Welcome to the first Monday of 2016! Yeah, nothing’s changed, sorry about that.

THURS, DEC. 31:

So did Florida close out ’15 with a modicum of decorum? Not even close! A woman suspected of shooting a pregnant lady turned herself in. A 19-year-old Florida Atlantic University soccer player was accused of shooting a fellow student. A Texas Christian University football player in town for the Alamo Bowl was arrested for assaulting an officer during a bar brawl. A suspect was arrested in a fatal December 6 shooting in St. Petersburg. Two died in a Daytona Beach shooting in the early hours of New Year’s Eve Day. And “frustrated” St. Pete police dealt with celebratory gunfire hitting a 17-year-old girl and a cruiser on NYE. Classy!

FRI, JAN. 1:

We lost Natalie Cole, who emerged from the very long shadow of her legendary father to become a legend in her own right. Godspeed.

New Year’s Day Bowl games: Historically disappointing! And boring. Fetishizing college football is weird, man. Why not just put “It’s all been downhill since graduation!” on your business cards? That’s a lot cheaper than all the road trips and resulting divorce.

SAT, JAN. 2:

A protest over land-use rights became an occupation when some gun-wielding militia types took over a national wildlife refuge building in Oregon. Did you know the government isn’t entitled to own property, or dictate the terms of use of the property it can’t own? Of course you didn’t, because that’s a crazy thing cooked up by someone who only read the first paragraph of and second amendment to the Constitution, and misinterpreted both.

SUN, JAN 3:

Chris Brown may have punched a woman in Vegas. Probably; make that “probably punched a woman in Vegas.” That’s his thing, you know. Punching women.

And finally, the Bucs ended their season by getting slaughtered by the Panthers 38-10. Money. Well. Spent.

This article appears in Dec 31, 2015 – Jan 6, 2016.