"Step right up, step right up! Come on in and enjoy the exhilarating, jaw-dropping experience that is Friday! Plenty of room folks, come one, come all! Friday, Friday, Friday! We take — oh, I'm sorry son, you must be at least this over Thursday in order to enter Friday."
Florida governor and suspected real-life Scooby-Doo villain Rick Scott met with officials from Florida's Hard Rock Casinos to try and
take more of what the Seminole Tribe has left hammer out an acceptable agreement for renewing the Seminole Tribe's contract with the state regarding gambling rights. I wouldn't bet on this ending well. *taps mic* I said I wouldn't bet on ... get it, bet on it? Hello?
Tampa International Airport reported a seven-year high in passenger travel during the fiscal year 2015, up nearly 7 percent over 2014. Insiders credit TIA's continued successful growth on the airport's current slogan: "Not Responsible For Local Ground Traffic Conditions"
A Brooksville couple was arrested for operating a marijuana grow house. No big whoop, until you realize they were 84 and 73, and growing 30 plants — not, like, six for their arthritis. Young people really do lack the initiative and work ethic of previous generations! (Or maybe young people just have new protocols for not getting busted.)
And finally, a 56-year-old Tampa man won $5 million on a fucking scratch-off lottery ticket he bought at a convenience store on Kennedy. Of course, the ticket itself cost $500, but you know what they say: You gotta spend money you barely have on what's basically a tax on the poor in order to almost certainly not make any money on a game of chance.