Hello! Are you getting ready to needlessly kill some bears? Naw, us neither, because that's stupid.
FRIDAY, OCT. 16:
Ratings company Nielsen is suing broadcast jackass Bubba the Love Sponge Clem over his admitted attempts to skew survey results in his station's favor. Isn't it weird how the most important thing happening with jackasses is also the most boring?
SATURDAY, OCT. 17:
It's almost time to kill some bears that almost certainly aren't the bears that are bothering rural homeowners, because those bears aren't anywhere near where we'll be killing bears! Awesome, and monumentally stupid. Anyway, more than 100 names have been redacted from the public list of folks granted licenses to needlessly kill bears, in keeping with a state law that protects the personal information of cops, public officials and their spouses. If there's anything better than needlessly shooting bears, it's needlessly shooting bears anonymously.
SUNDAY, OCT. 18:
The annual Clearwater Jazz Holiday, now 97% jazz-free, finished up its largely jazz-less run with an evening of entertaining music, the overwhelming majority of which was not jazz.
Hillsborough County is part of a pilot program that aims to discourage prescription drug abuse by, er, giving people an easier way to throw away their unused pills? Sorry, Timmy's still gettin' grandma's Oxy.
And finally, this is technically today's news, I guess, but longtime Seminole hangout Screwie Louie's Porpoise Pub burned down in the wee hours of the night, which sucks, and means there are officially no cool places to go in Seminole.
This article appears in Oct 15-21, 2015.