"C'mon Harley, just answer the question."
Harley checked his cards, set them face down on the felt and took a pull from his Miller Lite. Then he asked Riley to repeat the question.
"It's simple, man. If you could give a Christmas gift to the entire world, what would it be?"
Roark called. Thompson folded. Rogowski took about a million years to call. Riley tapped the table in assent.
"I guess if I could give one thing to everyone in the world," Harley said, turning up his hand, "it would be common sense."
Tampa International Airport came in second in J.D. Power & Associates' latest nationwide rankings for customer service, just behind Portland. Dammit guys, you couldn't have given away an organic pastry and thimble of artisanal mustache wax with every boarding pass? Naw, just kidding. Congratulations to TIA, which is unarguably one of the best airports in the country.
Hillsborough County School District officials have updated the guidelines explaining appropriate digital communication — texts, tweets, Facebook messages, etc. — between teachers and students. Because apparently we live in a society where adults entrusted with the education of our younger citizens need to be told not only not to flirt with their students, but also not to even come within a fucking mile of appearing as if they might be flirting with their students. Gross.
Dear citizens, stop letting your city use your money to fund stadium upgrades until you start getting dividend checks in the mail. That shit is beyond stupid.
And finally — and speaking of beyond stupid — a Tampa man who managed to live to be 40 years old is facing federal charges for knowingly pointing a laser pointer at a helicopter in flight — something one does, presumably, for the sheer idiotic thrill of doing something pointless, moronic and dangerous to others. Remember when people like this got taken out at a much younger age by eating the pretty berries or wiping their asses with a water moccasin or whatever?
Image by S340 via wikimedia/creative commons.
This article appears in Dec 10-16, 2015.