Man, don't you love these chilly December mornings? (Answer: No. No you don't. You live in Florida.)
FRIDAY, DEC. 8:
St. Pete Representative Wengay Newton wants to amend an existing law to add tougher penalties for people who leave their cars running, unlocked and unattended — up to possible jail time — in an effort to cut down on car thefts by juveniles. OK, 1) who is leaving their car running, unlocked and unattended, and 2) shouldn't we just decide to be a society that teaches kids not to steal cars and everybody else not to do obviously stupid things?
A man and woman old enough to know better were arrested for stealing out of residential mailboxes in Spring Hill. Maybe they thought they were invisible.
Oh, and if you become a convicted sex offender, maybe remember to take down that online ad offering your services as a nanny.
SATURDAY, DEC. 9:
Did you hear a giant, house-rattling boom on Saturday afternoon? A lot of people in Hillsborough, Polk and Pasco did, and nobody seems to know or care what caused it. NOBODY SEEMS TO KNOW OR CARE WHAT CAUSED THE GIANT BOOM. I, for one, would feel better if we agreed to look into THE GIANT, MYSTERIOUS HOUSE-RATTLING BOOM HEARD IN THREE COUNTIES a little more thoroughly. I'm somewhat concerned that we're not.
SUNDAY, DEC. 10:
And finally, in the wee hours of Sunday morning, super-hip and very funny comedian Hannibal Buress was arrested in Miami for either "disorderly intoxication" or trespassing. Are we sure this wasn't, like, an Art Basel performance of some sort? Sounds like it coulda been. Either way, Florida will likely be getting a mention in Hannibal Buress's stand-up, so we've got that going for us.