The day is finally here! National Collegiate Sportsball Masters Day! Yeah, I just want it to be over, too.
FRIDAY, JAN. 6:
Tilikum, the orca who did for SeaWorld’s popularity and stock price what the Black Plague did for Western European tourism in the 1350s, died after a long illness. We’d like to think he’ll be remembered for all the joy he brought to people’s lives, but we suspect he’ll be remembered for killing a trainer.
During his first week as a Congressman, Charlie Crist missed a key vote concerning a resolution he himself had co-sponsored. He thought his locker was by the band room, but it turns out it was all the way over in E Wing, near the science labs.
SATURDAY, JAN. 7:
Just a few blocks from where thousands of tourists descended on downtown Tampa’s Curtis Hixon Park for the run-up to Monday’s National College Football Championship, Food Not Bombs activists were arrested for the heinous crime of feeding the homeless without a permit. Yeah, that’s a thing you can get arrested for in Tampa, especially if you do it in proximity to ESPN’s cameras and the eyes of a nation.
SUNDAY, JAN. 8:
Around 70 storage units were burglarized at a St. Pete facility. The thieves made off with two wigs, an antique bicycle pump, $6 in Canadian currency and the confidence that Storage Wars is totally, totally fake.
And finally, the Golden Globes continued their dogged annual determination to exist. Here’s the full list of winners. Yes, that one won; you’ve never heard of the rest.
This article appears in Jan 5-12, 2017.
