FRIDAY, FEB. 13:

Trader Joe's opened in St. Pete. All conflicts in Syria and Ukraine spontaneously ceased, and a barren albino rhino slowly dying in captivity suddenly gave birth to a dozen pandas. Naw, just kidding, some people bought wine and cookie butter and stuff.

Supreme Court Justice and living superhero Ruth Bader Ginsburg credited her nodding off during President Obama's State of the Union Address to a stellar meal and some great wine. It's a better excuse than everyone else's: Too much Kraft mac & cheese and the realization that it was probably gonna pre-empt ALL of The Big Bang Theory.

Big Bird joined Twitter. Can't wait for his Sesame Street-vs-The Muppet Show beef with Gonzo.

SATURDAY, FEB. 14:

The Florida university system's Board of Governors has voiced its opposition to a legal proposal that would allow licensees to carry concealed arms on state campuses, saying "Do we really have to go over the long, storied and traditional relationship between campus life and really, really shitty decisions?"

Five Minnesota middle school students were mistakenly given Fifty Shades of Grey-themed crosswords that somehow found their way into a stack of worksheets. A school employee has volunteered to be punished for the mistake — gently at first, and then with increasing degrees of adventurousness and pain.

SUNDAY, FEB. 15:

And finally, after several years in limbo, Tampa's legendary skate spot the Bro Bowl will be demolished starting the first week in March, and replaced with a larger skatepark (including a replica of the snake run and bowl) at the northern end of Perry Harvey Sr. Park as part of a major renovation. I know it's been years, and that this might be another case of "We'll believe it when we see it," but I suggest you get your rides in before the fence goes up the last week in February.

This article appears in Feb 12-18, 2015.