OK. Once more, with feeling:
So the big thing in my neighborhood yesterday was the RV trailer dangling half off the I-275 overpass by the Trop just before lunchtime, precipitating closed roads and the kind of helicopter noise that made folks wonder if the Grand Prix had been held over. "How did it get there?" wondered some. "I hope everybody's OK," mused others. "Well, I guess Red Mesa Mercado's out — Casita or NuMex?" said most Kenwood folks, who like their tacos modern, timely and unhindered by bizarre traffic occurrences. (I had a burger at Old Key West.)
Once again, it's been zero days since a kid was arrested for threatening to shoot up an area school on social media. Look, I know being bullied sucks; I was bullied in school, too. But you're 18. You were almost out. You could've gotten away and gone on to do anything, like, I don't know, barely make a living mocking the news to the delight of dozens. And let me tell you this, young people: Cool employers will overlook almost anything these days, but I'm not sure they'll overlook having been arrested for saying you feel like shooting a bunch of people at the last place you spent most of your daylight hours. I know sometimes it feels like there's no future. But there is. You create your own. Hold steady. Be true.
And finally, speaking of creating one's own future, let's check in with Florida Man. What's Florida Man been up to these last days? Oh, here it is — stealing a car from a Tampa hospital by conning the keys off a valet, then nodding off in it somewhere on South Manhattan Avenue. It's good to have goals. Enjoy your weekend, everybody.
This article appears in Mar 15-22, 2018.
