It's National Puppy Day! Make sure you eat all the puppies you can today, because on any other day of the year you'd be considered some kind of monster.
Speaking of canines, a 15-year-old dog was rescued from a storm drain by police and public works employees in Port Richey yesterday, and reunited with its owner, who swears he wasn't fishing for alligators.
A 20-year-old medical assistant was arrested for filming an elderly couple having sex in a Pinellas assisted-living facility and posting it to social media. "What a thoughtless, gross and offensive invasion of privacy," thought all of you, while secretly admitting to yourselves that you would totally watch a blurry, badly framed surreptitious video of two senior citizens doin' it, should it show up, casually and uninvited, in your feed.
A Wesley Chapel PE teacher was arrested for DUI with property damage and leaving the scene of an accident after rear-ending somebody at a light and taking off. She's gonna have to run, like, a million laps.
And finally, a pair of federally protected ospreys built a nest on a Lakeland gas plant generator that was temporarily shut down for repairs, rendering it unusable until either the birds leave or the company gets a special permit to move the nest. Five thousand-plus years of civilization, and it can all be undone by two birds landing on a thing. There's a lesson about something in that somewhere.
This article appears in Mar 23-30, 2017.