How was your Wednesday? Raccoon attack-free, we're hoping.
The Florida legislature declined to schedule a special session to decide whether or not to allow state parimutuel gaming facilities (read: greyhound tracks) to add slot machines, stating, basically, "deciding stuff is hard." This means the option to allow — which would violate the state's compact with the Seminole Tribe regarding gaming — will fall to the voters in the form of a constitutional amendment on the November ballot. Sounds like they're taking quite a gamble.
A Hillsborough woman was attacked by a raccoon when she went to a friend's house to let the dog out. The raccoon attacked her multiple times on the lanai; she required stitches and rabies treatment. I think it's pretty obvious what's happening here: The raccoons have teamed up with the otters and formed some sort of mid-sized mammalian elite commando assault squad in nature's ongoing efforts to eradicate humankind. Watch your cats with a suspicious eye, people.
Residents in a Clearwater neighborhood are complaining about the goings-on at a local house owned and inhabited by members of the religious sect Divine Bliss. Complaints include the color they painted the house (pink), the constant smoke from the backyard fire pit and sounds of chanting and "grunting" emanating from behind the fence. OK, but this sounds way more tolerable than living next to somebody who's gonna catch you at the mailbox and bitch about the neighbors for 20 minutes before asking to borrow the mower they broke the last time you lent it to 'em.
And finally, former Florida congressmen Patrick Murphy and David Jolly are reportedly considering a bipartisan run for governor, which really just brings to mind Reverend Lovejoy's comment to Ned Flanders on The Simpsons: "Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same."
This article appears in Apr 26 – May 3, 2018.