All right, it’s Friday and nobody really wants to be here, so let’s rip through it and go get some boat drinks, whaddaya say?

Apparently, passing out and/or OD’ing while in the company of a child for whom you’re supposed to be caring is the new black.

Four Hillsborough County Fire & Rescue shift commanders and supervisors were placed on administrative leave as part of an investigation into timecard fraud. Hot stuff.

A 16-year-old idiot was arrested after stealing a car in Largo and very nearly killing his dumbshit self running into multiple trees. Kids! God, they’re stupid, aren’t they?

And finally, St. Pete is finally breaking ground on its super-awesome skatepark at Campbell Park, which will reportedly be the largest in the state. I will make sure to share the video here when I inevitably hurt myself there in spectacular fashion.

This article appears in Jun 15-22, 2017.