Friday nudged Saturday, and gestured subtly at Thursday.
"What the hell is he still doing here? He stinks. He's rotting."
"I know," agreed Saturday with a grimace. "Maybe if we pretend to listen to his bullshit for a few minutes, he'll go away."
So what was the Tampa Bay area in the national news for most recently? Let's see… ah, yes: St. Pete's charming triple-buttcheeked graffiti and the rise of a potentially fatal parasite that goes by the evocative name "rat lungworm." If you feel your chest swelling with pride, you should probably consult a medical professional — that might just be the rat lungworm. (Who accidentally ingests snails?)
Speaking of local color that might also kill you, Hillsborough County issued a rabies alert for an area of Tampa north of Fletcher Avenue after a local domestic cat tested positive for the disease. Stupid anti-vaxxers.
Another Pinellas County Sheriff's Office deputy is gone from the force; this one got fired for making an hilarious joke about almost shooting someone on social media. Thank you, stupid time-wasting websites, for doing what law-enforcement hiring standards apparently can't.
And finally, you can add "five more dollars" to the list of things you don't need in order to get a Florida concealed-carry permit, alongside common sense, impulse control and any specific, demonstrable reason to need a Florida concealed-carry permit beyond "gimme." Am I the only one who thinks the ability to walk around with a gun hidden on one's person should be more expensive than a carton of Marlboros?
This article appears in Jun 29 – Jul 7, 2017.