Good morning! Well, you should all know today's forecast already: Wet and gross with a chance of wet and gross.
FRIDAY, JUNE 2:
A 19-year-old Lehigh Acres man was arrested and charged with animal cruelty after witnesses reported seeing him throwing an object at a flamingo at Busch Gardens. Seriously, what are these people seeing when they look at a freaking flamingo? Commies? A disloyal lover? A creature of such natural grace and beauty that it will live its entire life at ease, and never have to wash dishes in one of those restaurants that thinks pizza and wings and Greek food are somehow related?
Meanwhile, over in Coconut Creek, a housekeeper confessed to setting fire to a condo to cover up her theft of $160 from one of her elderly clients. Not when they mean by "go big or go home," unfortunately.
SATURDAY, JUNE 3:
An intoxicated 43-year-old New Port Richey man left a trail of mayhem on Bay area roads Saturday night, causing five accidents on I-275 before carjacking another vehicle and causing further accidents. Suddenly your amiable argument with your Lyft driver over who was the best rapper in NWA, Ice Cube or Eazy-E, seems a little… restrained.
SUNDAY, JUNE 4:
And finally, the Treasure Island Police Department assisted FWCC officials and Clearwater Marine Aquarium staffers in rescuing a young whale that became beached in its distress. The 7-foot, 400-pound mammal was taken to SeaWorld for further treatment, which hopefully will not include the sudden appearance of a cutesy new name and the ability to do tricks in exchange for buckets of fish.
This article appears in Jun 1-8, 2017.