It's Wednesday. You're halfway there. Things are looking up! Just kidding. What, did you sleep through yesterday completely?
In today's flag news — because we've got daily freakin' flag updates now — Marion County, Florida commissioners voted unanimously to re-raise the Confederate battle flag over the governmental seat just as the measure to remove one from South Carolina's State House moves through the state legislature with considerable momentum. And that, Johnny, is the story of how America forgot the difference between symbols and real-world problems and ended up being purchased by Russian gangsters.
The San Fermin festival! Know it? Of course you do. It's when idiots volunteer to be chased by large, frightened mammals with giant horns, otherwise known as Spain's world-renowned running of the bulls. Two Americans and one Brit were gored yesterday in the opening run; one of the Americans was an occupational therapist from Gainesville. If your therapist — in any capacity — expresses a sincere desire to travel to Spain to run with the bulls, SWITCH THERAPISTS.
A Pinellas judge ruled against three lawyers accused of "setting up" another lawyer against whom they're litigating, finding that they were responsible for creating a situation in which the opposing counsel could be arrested for suspicion of DUI. The case involving the parties is the slander suit brought by blowhard radio host Todd "MJ" Schnitt against equally execrable FM jock Bubba The Love Sponge Clem, leading many to suspect the whole thing might be the world's worst idea for a publicity stunt. In any case, one can only hope the judge recommended vaporization for all parties involved.
And finally, two men were arrested in Tampa after cops responded to a call about a disabled vehicle and discovered more than 400 pounds of marijuana in their ride. I'm not saying I know what 400 pounds of dope looks like, but I will say the vehicle might've been on the side of the road because the driver couldn't see the road over SO MUCH POT.
This article appears in Jul 2-8, 2015.