Here you go — the news media equivalent of day-olds: They’re a little stale, but you can’t beat the price.
In a simply stunning display of immaculate timing, St. Pete Mayor Rick Kriseman — who’s up for reelection and probably doesn’t want to hear the word “sewage” again as long as he lives — had to explain another overflow in the ‘Burg’s water treatment system. This one involved a comparatively small 50,000 gallons of partially treated water spilling out of a chamber that was, ironically, being upgraded, and the overflow was completely contained in an on-site pond. But you know who doesn’t care about details? Poorly informed one-issue voters, that’s who.
You might read a story about three men robbing a Hillsborough County Waffle House at gunpoint and think to yourself, “man, that seems like a lot of risk for a couple hundred bucks, those stupid criminals must be especially stupid, even for stupid criminals.” Then you do a Google search of Waffle House robberies out of curiosity and realize it’s very much a thing, like you don’t get your Doomed Felonious Dipshit Loser merit badge unless you knock one over.
The St. Pete City Council is considering a citywide plastic bag ban. “Who could possibly think that’s a bad idea?” asked one well-meaning citizen who obviously hasn’t spent enough time on the internet.
And finally, congratulations to Leesburg High School math teacher Tammy Jerkins, who was named Florida Teacher of The Year last night at a Universal Studios Orlando gala. Congratulations to all of the finalists as well, and thank you to every single one of our state’s dedicated and often embattled educators, each of whom should never have to pay for a drink or a meal and should be carried on thrones from place to place by admirers and also be well laid every time it occurs to them that they’re in the mood to be well laid. But somehow we think professional athletes are more important. Go figure.
This article appears in Jul 13-20, 2017.
