Alas, another work week begins. But look on the bright side: technically we’ve woken up to another day in which we’re still not plunged into the throes of a second civil war or World War III. Well, technically not, anyway.
Friday, Aug. 11
A bunch of sad little Nazis converged on Charlottesville, Virginia carrying comically out-of-place tiki torches; the kind you’d see at a backyard barbecue, which they probably stole from their parents’ back yards. Hey, at least they finally got outside and had a little exercise.
Saturday, Aug.12
The Nazis returned to Charlottesville, and one of them killed somebody. Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe declared a State of Emergency and urged the Nazis to go home to their putrid neckbeard nests in peace.
Thought this would go without saying, but it is possible to debate the optimal route with your Uber driver without it escalating to the point that your Uber driver punches you and you die.
Sunday, Aug. 13
No one is judging this Orlando-area woman for being a smoker, but lighting up inches away from a thing that is highly flammable while in an enclosed area that is also highly flammable is…well…a sign that perhaps more robust funding for public education, especially in the sciences, ought to be in order.
In the wake of Nazis Nazi-ing, local leaders and activists saw fit to organize their own rallies to show that there are more decent humans than there are bigots, finally proving that they can stop arguing over whose fault it is that Trump is president to focus on what’s really important here: that Nazis are fucking idiots.
This article appears in Aug 10-17, 2017.
