Welcome to your Thursday blitz of Wednesday's hits.

Hey, remember that guy in Lakeland who thought it would be a hoot to film himself eating pancakes in the middle of the road back in March? Yeah, it's gonna cost him. Nice to know that idiocy occasionally still has consequences.

Several manatees became stranded on Clearwater Beach, but were helped back into the water by firefighters and helpful civilians. Officials speculated that the manatees were pushed onto the sand by wind and waves in the wake of this week's weather; I'm speculating they were coming to pay their respects to Snooty, and just got a little off course.

Speaking of Snooty, the South Florida Museum has created a "living memorial" to the late, beloved manatee on its website. Fans are encouraged to submit photos and remembrances to be included in the project. Please do not send cabbages.

And finally, the Dow Jones stock index, an artificial and easily manipulated indicator of the health of the American economy, rose above 22,000 points for the first time ever. If you don't own stock in Apple, take two minutes to marvel at this news between your first job and your second, then just go ahead and get back to trying not to be homeless.

This article appears in Aug 3-10, 2017.