Good morning. Please ignore the cameras, and go about your usual routine.
Capybara! The world's largest rodent is all over the internet, and apparently all over North and West Central Florida, as well. Yeah, they're super-cute, but they're also an invasive species that'll eat all your cabbage while breeding multiple litters every year, so c'mon, don't get one just because you're a weed dealer and weed dealers are supposed to have weird pets. Cats: still cool. (Also, kudos to the zoologist who worked a tourism-friendly soundbite about Florida's great weather into this news story. Multitasking!)
Also in the "please stop" department regarding animals: Santeria practitioners, please stop leaving your animal sacrifices along the Courtney Campbell Causeway. Nobody's telling you you can't sacrifice animals — OK, well, I'm sure all kinds of people are always telling you you can't sacrifice animals, but we're just suggesting you maybe not create an eyesore and health hazard where hundreds of thousands of people pass every year. Because ew. In the marketing age, this is what's known as "bad optics."
Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson will be on the ballot in all 50 states come November, the first time a third-party candidate has achieved such a thing in two decades. Former Republicans high enough to believe complete deregulation could possibly create a level economic playing field are stoked.
And finally, Starbucks is going to be getting all up inside your friendly neighborhood Publix. Because that's one of the four three places left Starbucks isn't, right? (And yeah, we're counting the moon.)
This article appears in Sep 8-15, 2016.