Lil' Kim in the Big HouseChronicles the life and times of a mediocre rapper's year in jail. Possible guest appearance by Karl Rove. Martha Stewart hosts.
Raising Chickens with Roy Jones, Jr.Contestants train cockfighters for weekly death battles. Jones often jumps in the ring and/or pummels contestants. Hulk Hogan guest stars as the animal-loving supervillian. Jones kicks the crap out of him, too.
The Real Real WorldWatch as a camera crew follows around the camera crew that follows around the gorgeous drunken twentysomethings on The Real World.
Live Like BearsTen incredibly hairy men transplant all of their body fur to 10 struggling actresses. Whoever can last the longest without shaving, while still going to casting calls, wins.
Home RoomHorny adolescent boys are taught algebra by hot young teachers. Hilarity, romance and legal proceedings ensue. Debra LaFave hosts.
Big Brother Goes Big BrotherThe White House is live on its own channel, 24/7. Watch Bush get decisions made for him, Cheney crap and Rove leak. Possible spinoff: Administration Girls Gone Wild.
Livin' Levitra LocaSeven guys. Seven schlongs. Seven prescriptions. Seven days. Members will be cut until the uplifting climax.
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This article appears in Jul 13-19, 2005.