Manolo who? This aging hippie grandma is forever tuned in to the sounds of the '60s, where she lives fondly in her memories of her Woodstock days, when she hung onto the Who's helicopter and flew away (until she eventually lost her grip, plummeting back to earth where her fall was broken by a huge kiddie-poolful of homebrewed liquid LSD). Conceived by a veteran of the French Resistance hunting ex-Nazis in Oahu, Grandma was born stateside, never to know her father (though her early Mormon leanings and fondness for kava brought speculations of Samoan heritage). Her older son, Rick, a Republican yuppie who married an African-American to prove his liberalist bent but wasn't really fooling anyone, turned out to be a disappointment to Grandma; she's much happier with Robert, who takes her out dancing and introduced her to all her new friends in PFLAG. Mostly she's just happy to mooch off both of them, spending her days making cheap shell leis, shopping at thrift stores, attending feminist teas and perfecting her homemade tequila. And getting stoned — completely and totally baked out of her mind.
A 6-inch plastic water bong
From her teenage grandson, because he knows she keeps breaking her glass ones. (He also threw in some incense, in case she needs to cover up any telltale pharmaceutical aromas.)
Bong, $13.95; 100 grams of Nag Champa incense, $8.95, at High Tide, 3633 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa.
A bag of shells
From little Joey, for making those shell leis she's so oddly drawn to. And a $10 gift certificate to Second Image Thrift Store, good for "Senior Day" (every Tuesday).
shells: $2.29 per bag, Michael's Arts & Crafts, 3802 S. Dale Mabry, Tampa; Second Image, 2419 W. Kennedy Blvd., Tampa
Jose Cuervo Reserva de la Familia Tequila
The tequila's from Dad. Sheila, unbeknownst to Grandma, contributed the set of four tequila shot glasses — "One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila … Floor!"
Tequila, $95.99, ABC Fine Wine & Spirits; Glasses, $9.99, www.bacheloretteparties.com.
Necklace- and bracelet-making classes
From her son, Robert — to remind her of the days when the two of them would while away the hours on arts and crafts, at which he was always so much more adept than his brother.
$10 each, Beadlejules Bead Shop & Custom Jewelry, 3201 S. Dale Mabry, Tampa.
The Cannabis Companion: The Ultimate Guide to Connoisseurship
From her granddaughter, Lily, who knows a connoisseur when she sees one.
$16.95, Borders.
Woodstock: Three Days of Peace & Music, 25th anniversary box set (live)
Music and nostalgia from her daughter-in-law, plus a five-gallon winemaking kit to trump Dad's gift — and besides, wine's got health benefits!
Box set: $49.99, Vinyl Fever, 4110 Henderson Blvd., Tampa; wine kit, $50.95, Beer & Winemaker's Pantry, 9200 66th St. N., Pinellas Park.
A gift from the dog
While he can't actually buy gifts, Lucky has decided, as a special holiday gift, to stop sniffing Grandma's crotch for the year.
This article appears in Nov 17-23, 2004.