Touchy Subject: And now, a brief rundown of the various techniques used by employees of a St. Petersburg halfway house to move a disgruntled resident from one seat to another in the cafeteria. First, the staff attempted a “touch escort.” This is where the “house parents” “place their hands on the juvenile … usually on the bicep area and attempt to physically move the juvenile from one place to another.” Second, the staff attempted a P.A.R. move. P.A.R. stands for “Protective Action Response,” and basically means “taking the juvenile to the ground with force if necessary.” Finally, after both of these techniques had failed, and with linguistic civility now out the window, the staff responded with the technique of last resort: the highly technical “bear hold.” Success!
Grand Theft: Approximately $5,000 worth of lawn equipment was stolen out of a trailer parked on 12th Avenue N. The lifted items included a “14 IN chain saw,” “extended trimmer” and “two backpack leaf blowers,” a veritable horror-movie villain’s wet dream of weapons. In a separate robbery, someone stole a “double tank, commercial, air compressor,” valued at $2,000 from a business on MLK Boulevard. In neither case are there any witnesses or suspects. How does one fence leaf blowers and air compressors, exactly?
Poor Dog: Police responded to a reported “community hazard” in the area of 17th Avenue N. A man out for a walk around his neighborhood was knocked to the ground from behind and chased back to his home by an unattended dog. Safely inside, the man called police, who located the dog’s surprised owner. The owner had no idea how the dog could have gotten loose, but “stated that he will ensure that this type of incident will not happen again.” The novel solution: He is shipping the dog to Texas to live with his mother. The dog sufficiently punished, no citation was issued.
Your Tax Dollars At Work: Police at Melrose Avenue S. filed a report of “felony fleeing and eluding. The [Buick] had a tag on it that did not come back to this vehicle it was on. The vehicle fled prior to us being able to properly identify the driver or passenger.” Apparently, the suspects weren’t even polite enough to say thank you.
Lock It Up: It’s best never to leave the door open while the garage is unattended, especially if you have valuable items in there. One resident on 34th Avenue N.E. found this out the hard way when several items were stolen in broad daylight. Please be on the lookout for any suspicious characters riding either a purple or a pink “princess bike,” or a “26 inch silver girls mongoose bike.” Sounds like the work of an 8-year-old girl gang.Taken from the files of the S.P.P.D.
This article appears in Jun 8-14, 2005.
