FAMILY SMACKDOWN: Officers were dispatched to a private residence on Bird Street in Tampa in response to a call from a child who stated that his father had struck his mother. On the scene police found Mom with a "small cut on her lip," Dad with "a small amount of blood coming from the right side of his nose," and three kids, two brothers ages 7 and 9, and a 13-year-old cousin. Although the children sided with the mother, police put together a different account from the statements of the parents. According to Dad, he was in the back of the house doing work when he heard the children yelling. He went inside and told everyone to quiet down and go to bed, which they didn't. Dad then told the cousin he could not stay the night and had to leave. The mother then entered the room and told the cousin he didn't have to go. Dad got mad, saying "if he doesn't leave then no one is sleeping in this house tonight." Mom had a none-too-snappy rejoinder and Dad stormed out leaving the front door open behind him. When Mom tried to close the door behind him, he pushed it back open and told her to "stop tripping." Mom then attacked Dad by striking him in the face. He then pushed her inside and onto the couch. The mother continued to swing and punch at the father as the children jumped on his back, "trying to stop everything from happening." My favorite line: "Approximately five minutes later everything stopped and the police were called." Just in the nick of time. Mom was taken into custody. The report is unclear on whether or not anyone ever did get any sleep.

I'LL CUT YOU, MAN! Speaking of sleep, a couple living on 10th Street in Tampa got into an argument over turning off the TV and going to bed. During the argument, the girl (who wanted to stay up) told the guy to leave. The guy "got up and … took a money order out of his wallet that was needed for their new apartment and was going to leave with it." In turn, the girlfriend went Ginsu on his ass. Per the report, "She armed herself with (2) knives and tried to prevent the victim from leaving with the money order." The guy tried to disarm her, and in the resulting melee they both got cut: the guy on his right pointer-finger, the girl on her left inner thigh. Despite the boyfriend not wanting to press charges, the switchblade sister was taken into custody.

From the files of the T.P.D.

This article appears in Jun 7-13, 2006.